And the eat goes on…

Day four:

3 donuts, Kirkland chicken bake, 3 Musketeers bar, 6 Hershey’s kisses, 12 oz. V-8, 1 c. trail mix, McD’s cheeseburger, Wendy’s Chicken club, large fries, 44 oz. Diet Coke.

I find that I am self-censoring when it comes to food.  Meaning not that I am censoring what I put down as having eaten, but thinking, “Do I really want to have to put down that I ate that on my blog?” every time I contemplate eating something.  Now, I usually go through my day with no thought to what I put in my mouth (hence this blog!).  But since starting this (with the notable exception of the Bacos) I have thought about everything that goes in my gob under the scrutiny of do I want to have to report this.  Example: One of my favorite snacks is to take a tortilla, smother it in peanut butter and sprinkle chocolate chips on it (see yesterday’s blog for my feelings on chocolate!).  I love this!  Have I done it since starting this? No.  I don’t want to have to write that down.  Nor the half-batch of cookie dough, or the Ben & Jerry’s, or …  You get my meaning. 

Now I look at what I’m eating, what is on these lists, and I see a trend, at least for the three days I’ve reported.  (Can it be a trend in only three days?)  My intake has decreased.  Calories may be another story altogether. But I’m not eating as much as I normally would.  I often go to Maverick in the mornings.  They have these Breakfast Bundles that I just love: ham, bacon or sausage, a scrambled egg and cheese all enclosed in buttery roll. I LOVE these things.  It is breakfast heaven!  Now, when I get one of these, they will usually have some deal going on where you can get 2 large candy bars for $2, or some such.  I will usually go for the “deal” because I’m fat.  Tuesday was such a day.  4 regular candy bars for $2.  I bought them and brought them back to work.  Normally, I would snarf those things down without a thought aside to not getting chocolate on my sleeves.  But I have not  yet eaten all those candy bars.  And fear and shame are the reasons.

Fear can be a great motivator.  Shame, too, if used in the right way.  Mothers have known this for centuries.  I’m tempted to insert a joke about my mother here, and although she doesn’t yet know about this blog, should she find out and decide to read my past posts, it could be mean trouble.  Suffice it to say, I, too, am acquainted with the motivating power of shame and guilt.  And I hope that it keeps working for me.  Not a lot of shame and guilt, nor a lot of fear, but just enough to keep me honest and working toward the right path of a leaner, meaner, more fight-ready me.  Although I will probably never be the cover of Old Guys with Abs magazine, if such a thing exists.  Hey,… that give me an idea…

Today’s quote:

I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!  ~Author Unknown