Over the River and Through the Woods….

So my goal of posting every week has not worked out so well.  Even after starting back up following my fun adventures in medicine, I have missed a week.  Well, if you can’t be a good example, …

I’m gaining more stamina.  This past weekend we went to the symphony to hear Berlioz’s “The Childhood of Christ.”  What a fantastic piece of music!  And the Utah Symphony and Chorus did a fantastic job!  This really should be performed more often.  It has not been heard in its entirety since 1984(?) under Joseph Silverstein.  It is a beautiful piece and the harp/flute trio in the third section is one of the most delightful things Berlioz ever wrote.  I have come to really appreciate the genius of Hector Berlioz.  What an amazing composer.  It is said that his instrument really was the symphony orchestra, and I am more and more convinced of it the more Berlioz I am exposed to.  The Symphony Fantasitque had been one of my absolute favorites since I first heard it, and I was lucky enough to perform as part of the off-stage chorus in his “Roméo et Juliette” last year.  It is all incredible music.

Then on Saturday, I went bowling for the first time in years, and went out to dinner with friends.  It is the most exercise I’ve since I got out of the hospital.  With all the walking on Friday, and the bowling and walking we did on Saturday, I got quite the workout.  But I’ve got to prepare myself for the first weekend in December.  We’ve got tickets to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional and we are planning on taking Trax and then seeing the Christmas lights.  So that means walking across Temple Square to the Conference Center and then walking around looking at the lights.  More walking than I have done in a long time, even before the surgery.  So I need to bump up the activity level in preparation.

I have lost 20 lbs. through all of this so far.  Not much in the grand scheme, but a good start.  I don’t want to back track.  I just want to keep moving forward. I subscribe to Men’s Health and every month they have what they call the “Belly-Off Club” article that features someone who has lost weight and kept it off and how they did it.  This month I wanted to shoot them.  They featured someone who lost 120 pounds in three months(!), but, as they say “while rapid weight loss is not usually healthy, he has kept it off.”  Well, whoopty-shit for him!  This guy started exercising twice a day for two hours a day.  I don’t dedicate anything in my life that much time except my family.  I could never do that.  That is what is called an obsessive/compulsive personality.  More power to him, I guess.  He is now a personal trainer, but I bet he has not much of a social life.  If getting rock hard abs means giving up my playtime, I’ll settle for a more manageable weight and a slightly soft middle and get to play with my friends and family.

I hope you all have a very happy Thanksgiving, and a wonderful holiday season.  I will be posting more in the coming weeks.  I am so thankful for all of you who read this and who take the time to care about me.  You mean a great deal to me, and I cherish the friendships that I have.  God bless you all.

Quote of the day:

"Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us? – Jim Gaffigan”

Bonus Quote of the Day:

"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car. – Stephen Colbert"

I’d rather be living in Philadelphia…

It has been two months since my last post and it’s time to update you all on what has been going on in my life.  This will be a very long post, and for that I apologize.  It’s taken me some time to get to the point where I’m ready to talk about this and I’m still not sure what all I’m ready to share, but here goes.

I have had some very scary health problems over the last month that it seems all started back in July.  Just before “The Tempest” opened I caught a cold and went to the Instacare to get some quick meds to get it taken care of fast.  I had a show opening and could not be sick through that.  Not only a show, but the lead.  Turns out I had bronchitis and took my meds and recovered and a couple weeks later the show opened and went well.  But through all this I was much more tired and seemed to be struggling more, short of breath, sweating much more with exertion, etc.  I figured it meant that I was just getting even more out of shape.  I would go shopping with my wife and after walking through the store, I would be drenched. 

Fast forward to early/mid September.  I have a week where I’m just not feeling well and take a couple of days off.  It’s getting close to one of my best friend’s wedding day, and I still have this cough and a little congestion.  I wake up on the day of their wedding and I have this terrible pain in my right chest over my ribs.  I figure it’s a pulled muscle from all the coughing, maybe pleurisy, so I take some ibuprofen and a hot shower, and head off for the day at the wedding.  No real problems or concerns for the rest of the day.  Sunday I feel fine.  But as I get ready to lay down to sleep Sunday night, I suddenly have this awful chest pain and cannot get comfortable.  Take some more ibuprofen and finally get to sleep.

I decide the next morning to stay home from work and go to the Instacare to have the pain checked out, still thinking it’s a pulled muscle or, more likely, pleurisy.  I get there, the doctor gives me an EKG and a chest x-ray, and I get diagnosed with pneumonia.  They send me home with antibiotics, an inhaler and some couch syrup.  They tell me that if I start to feel worse to head to the ER.  During the day, I’m fine.  No pain, and I can breathe fine.  Still don’t feel great, but no real problems.  At night and in the morning though, I am in pain, and cannot sleep lying down.  So I end up sleeping Monday and Tuesday sitting up on the couch.

Come Wednesday morning (this is September 21st) I wake up with such horrible chest pains I can barely breathe.  Moving at all is torturous,and trying to get dressed is agonizing.  I am sweating buckets and in more pain than I can ever remember.  My wife, although she doesn’t really tell me this at the time, is convinced that I’m having a heart attack.  So we run to Alta View Hospital’s ER and they get me right into a room, run an EKG and determine that my heart is ok (although they hear a murmur) and send me off to get a CT scan.  There they find that the lining of my right lung is full of fluid.  I am immediately put on broad spectrum antibiotics and fluids, and scheduled to have the fluid drained.  They take me down to have the fluid drained and drain off about 700 ccs of fluid from around my lung.  At this point I am told that I will be transferred to Intermountain Medical Center and will be admitted to the Respiratory ICU.  An ambulance is called and I take the trip to IMED.

On Thursday, September 22nd, I receive another CT scan and at that time they put a chest tube in me to drain the fluid.  At the time they put in the chest tube, they drain another 1400 ccs of fluid.  I am placed on three rotating antibiotics during the day and have the tube and a lovely capture box with me wherever I go.  I seemed to be doing well, responding to treatment and was moved down to a regular floor room.  Everything seems to be progressing and finally on Sunday, Sept. 25th, they take out the tube, and say I will likely go home on Monday or Tuesday.  All told there had been about 3 liters of fluid drained off from around my lung.  But, of course, all things did not go according to plan.

Later that day, I spiked a fever, and my white cell count was not decreasing.  It was decided at that point that I would need surgery to make sure they got all the infection out from around the lung.  At first it was thought that they would go in with scopes to get it cleaned out, but it was finally decided that it would have to be a full thorachotomy.  They scheduled it for Tuesday, Sept. 27th.  This wonderful news brought up a whole new host of worries and concerns.  I had already been in the hospital for a week, and although I felt better than when I went in, was not in the best of health.  II am extremely overweight and going under anesthesia is a major risk factor.  Not having the surgery was not an option.  It was a very emotional time, and through it all my wife and I were very worried and concerned.  I had had several blessings by this point.  I had a strong conviction that I would not die, but we were still very concerned.  It was a time for very deep discussions and finally expressing every fear we had about what was to come so that we could dispel those fears.

Tuesday came, and I was taken in the afternoon into the OR for the surgery.  It was expected that the surgery would last about three hours.   They would need to put me on ventilation and stop my right lung from working while they operated on it.  My wife, my brother and my parents were there in the waiting room for the surgery.  After about three and a half hours, they were told that the surgery was almost done, and the surgeon would come out to talk to them.  At this point, my poor brother, who had thought this was still relatively simple scope surgery, learned that it was a full open chest operation.  They made an incision on my right side and spread the ribs so they could access my lung.  The surgeon came out and told them there had been some complications during the surgery.  When they shut down my right lung, my left lung would work for a while, but since it was not working with another lung, would start to shut down on its own.  They would then have to stop the operation, restart my right lung so they could get the left lung working, then shut the right side down again.  While operating, they were draining the infection, and scraping out the infected sections from around my lung.  They said they got quite a bit of material out.

During all of this, my blood pressure started to tank and they had to work hard to keep me functioning.  Part of that was to intubate my with a tube down my throat.  The surgeon told my family that I was in bad shape, that they saw no reason why I would not make it through all this, but that the next few hours would be critical.  The anesthesiologist told them that I should recover, but that at that time I was more dead than alive.  My parents and brother decided to head home for the night because they knew I was headed for Respiratory ICU after recovery and they felt that too many people there would not be good. 

Kris was getting ready to go to recovery, when a friend of ours, who is the charge nurse in the RICU, came out and said that they needed Kris quickly to try to calm me.  I was fighting coming out of the anesthesia.  Kris came to me, put her hand on my chest, told me she was there and that I needed to calm down and I relaxed immediately.  (I, of course, don’t remember any of this.  I was still pretty heavily under.)  Jeanette also brought out to Kris my wedding ring, which they had to cut off.  Once they intubated me, I started to puff up, and they were worried about the circulation in my finger.  Kris asked her, as a friend, to bottom line it for her.  Jeanette said, “ Get your bishop here to give Tony a blessing and you a blessing, and get your kids here to see their dad.”  Kris could not quite bring herself to have the kids come to see me looking like I did.  Jeanette told that that if the worst happened, at least the kids would have seen me, and if everything got better, they would be able to see how much better I was doing.  But Kris just couldn’t do it.

She called our bishop and found out he had just caught a cold.  She called her brother-in-law, and he got a neighbor and they both came down and gave me a blessing and Kris a blessing.  When Kris first saw me, I was extremely puffy.  My face, lips and tongue were all very swollen.  She was told I would be intubated for 24-48 hours and that the puffiness would get worse.  However within a few hours, the puffiness had gone down, and I was looking better.

As I started to come out of the anesthesia, I tried to communicate with Kris by drawing letters on her hand.  This was not successful, so they gave me a pen and some paper.  I asked about the kids, my parents, and told Kris that I loved her.  Then I asked when I could get the tube out of my throat.  That was my big concern.  I wanted that tube out!  At the time I was on 100% ventilation.  The respiratory tech told Kris that they would start backing me off and that it would be a two steps forward, one step back process.  They would take me to 90%, then 80% at which point I would likely have some problems, then they would take it back to 90% and so on.  As they started backing off the ventilation, they never had to go back up.  I had problems when I would cough, in that I couldn’t get anything up through the tube on my own and would have to suctioned out.  By 9:30 Wednesday morning (Sept. 28th) the respiratory tech was ready to take the tube out, but had to wait for the doctor to finish rounds to okay it.  Finally by 12:30 that day, I had the intubation tube was removed.

I was in the RICU for another two to three days while they waited for a room to become available to move me into.  I was up and walking soon, and making real strides on my recovery.  It was still very difficult to breathe and especially when walking.  By the time they moved me to the floor of the heart and lung center, they decided I needed to have a swallow study to see if that had led to the the pneumonia.  They believed that I had aspirated something into my lung to cause that and wanted to see what my swallowing was like.  I was made to drink and chew several things coated in barium while having a fluoroscope take pictures of my esophagus. 

They also gave me a Transesophageal Echocardiagram, or TEE to try to figure out why I had a heart murmur.  They thought that it could be one of two things: either I had a vegetation (infection) on the valve that had somehow occurred from the infection around my lung, or a chordae, which act as closure mechanisms for the valve, had ruptured.  This latter option would require open heart surgery at some point in my future.  After the TEE, and having the specialist read that, they determined, much to my relief, that they believe it to be a “floppy” valve that is volume dependent.  What this means is that I have a valve that, if I am either dehydrated or over loaded with fluid, will work inefficiently.  It is just a genetic quirk, and will not require surgery.  We’re still waiting to make sure that that diagnosis stands.

I was finally released from the hospital on Wednesday, Oct. 5th.  I kept getting comments from the doctors and nurses about being a “miracle” patient.  More than one doctor came in and would give me a funny look, ask me if I was Anthony Porter, and then tell me that after reading my chart, I looked much better than they expected me to look.  At this point, I was more than glad to be out of the hospital.  I spent another week at home recuperating, and started back to work on Oct. 24th working full days.

I’m going to get a little “preachy” here.  If you know me at all, you know that I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel.  I know that my quick recovery and increased healing is due to the priesthood blessings and prayers that were offered on my behalf.  I have never been more sure of the power of prayer and priesthood power than I am now.  I can truly say that I have felt the prayers being offered for me.  And it is such a humbling experience knowing that so many people were concerned for the well-being of me and my family.

Rest assured, however, that I am still my old self.  I am coming back to full power and more determined than ever to reach my goals and be a leaner, meaner me.  I know this is an excessively long post, and I hope that I haven’t lost too many of you.  I got more out that I thought I would, although there are still some things I have kept for myself and family.  I just had to get it off my chest and out to the universe.

Quote of the day:

“If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you. ~ American Proverb”

Just checking in…

So, I’ve been a bit lax lately.  Haven’t updated for a while.  Life has been interesting of late.  Prepping for the performances of “Trial by Jury” at Draper Historic Theater this weekend.  It should be interesting.  Then Fidelio at Utah Opera the beginning of October.  Then, who knows?  Nothing specific at the moment.

Yesterday was my 46th birthday.  Not too eventful, but not bad, either.  Got a lot of fun wishes from friends all over the place.  Had to go to rehearsal last night, but no big deal.

The depression has not been so bad lately.  My stress has decreased and I think that has made a big difference.  I still need a vacation.  I really wish we could take a cruise.  That way we could just enjoy the vacation and not have to worry about anything.  But it will be a while before that can happen.

Well, not much more for now.

Take that, you dumb old bird!

It’s been very interesting lately.  I’ve been reviewing my life, especially the last several months, and I’ve had some real moments of clarity.  And just in the last few days.  Today especially.  I got to work and was feeling really crappy.  I’ve had back problems this week and I’ve been tired and not sleeping well.  I’ve had weird mood swings that seem to come on at the drop of a hat.  Totally weird stuff.  I think I’ve discussed this in previous posts, but I have been a long time sufferer of depression.  At one point I almost lost my family to it.  I was so caught up in the depression and how awful my life was that I was really shitty to everyone around me.  Thankfully, my wife got me the help I needed to come back from the brink at that time, but it’s been a constant struggle even to this day.  I was on meds for a while (Prozac, Wellbutrin, etc.) but haven’t been for sometime.  I’ve never been able to find a med that would leave me happy and feeling normal mood swings. It all just sort of left me neutral.  And for a creative personality to feel neutral is a very scary thing.

So over the last few months, especially while doing The Tempest, I have been antsy, anxious, and very irritable (just ask my wife!), and it wasn’t until today that it really hit me:  I’ve been sinking back into that old depression again.  I’ve been focusing more on my needs and wants and less on the people around me.  I even got to the point during the run, (and I wrote about this) where I was upset over the fact that no one was making a big fuss over me in the show!  How egotistical and stupid was that?!?  And then today I happened across a podcast that I am going to work my way through, called The Mental Illness Happy Hour by Paul Gilmartin.  He is a comic, writer, and author who had his own show on TBS for awhile. As he puts it on his website, “Paul was thrilled to be diagnosed with clinical depression in 1999 because it meant he wasn’t just an asshole.”  Anyway, the podcast that I listened to today was with Frank Coniff of MST3K fame.  Some really insightful things was said.  “The ego is the enemy of the soul,” and “If I feel pity or self-righteous anger, that’s the ego talking.  It’s either poor me, or f**k you!”  And that hit me.

I am able most of the time to put a happy face on what I am doing.  At least I think I do.  I try to gloss over the inner torment and demons that seem to plague my every decision and cast doubt on every achievement.  It may sound clichéd to say it, but depression is like wearing a vulture on your shoulder.  One of those big Bugs Bunny cartoon vultures with the really evil eyes.  And every decision you make, every success you have, each small triumph you achieve is being judged by those evil eyes and that vulture is judging everything you do and telling you that you’re coming up short.  Plus he’s a big heavy son of a bitch and it takes that much more energy just to cart his feathery ass around!  Well, today I started plucking the big old tail feathers out of that vulture.  And I mean to keep on plucking until that sucker is nothing but an overgrown capon and throw his scrawny hide into the fire!  I’m stating here and now that I am not going to be governed by that vulture on my shoulder.  I’m not going to be so concerned with my own worries and fears and I’m going to start working to take the burden off others and help them out.  The real joy of life is in being connected to others.  Sharing in their joys and successes and comforting them when they have their vulture perching on their shoulders.  I know that I have a ever widening circle of friends.  I know that I have a support system in all of you that is unequalled.  And I know that everyday I can do a little more to get out of the depression I let myself wallow in from time to time.  I won’t get mired in my own self-pity.  And if you see me stuck in the goo, give my vulture a swift kick in the ass, please!

Quote of the day:

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein”

Very nice. Next!

Being a reviewer for Utah Theater Bloggers this past year has put my thinking much more in the way of theater and those things that I would like to accomplish before I shuffle off this mortal coil.  Some I realize will never be.  I’m simply too old.  Some will not happen unless I dramatically alter my weight (something, you, dear reader, should know I am trying to do).  And some I simply hope to see in live performance, but know I’ll never get to perform.  So here goes:

Roles I know I’ll never play, but wish I could:

King Arthur – Camelot; Hamlet; Benedick – Much Ado About Nothing; Any role in “The Compleat Wrks of Wllm Shkspr (Abridged); Javert or Thenardier – Les Miserables; Bobby – Crazy for You; Fancourt Babberly – Charley’s Aunt; Charley Wykeham – Where’s Charley?; Any of the brothers – The Andrews Brothers; Bobby – Company; William Barfee – 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Roles I hope to play, some after I lose weight:

Sylvia Saint Croix – Ruthless! the Musical; Wotan, et. al. – Das Barbecu; Cervantes/Quixote – Man of La Mancha; Edna Turnblad – Hairspray; King Arthur – Spamalot; Aldolpho – Drowsy Chaperone; Thurston Wheelis, et. al. – Greater Tuna; Maj. Gen. Stanley – Pirates of Penzance; Harold Hill – The Music Man; The King – The King and I; Any of the Nuns – Nunsense, A-Men!; Stage Manager – Our Town; Tevye – Fiddler on the Roof; Fred/Petruchio – Kiss Me, Kate; Devil – Damn Yankees; Carol Todd – Victor/Victoria; Saunders or Tito Mirelli – Lend Me a Tenor; Leo or Jack – Leading Ladies; Richard II; King Lear; Iago

Shows I hope to see live someday:

The Andrews Brothers; Lend Me A Tenor; Lady in the Dark; Cyrano; Das Barbecu

There are others, but as you can see, I haven’t given up hope.  And if any of you know of any companies doing these shows, let me know and let them know that I’d be perfect for these roles.  I’m counting on you all!

Now, where did I put my exercise clothes…?

Quote for the Day:

“When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.” - Cynthia Heimel

Tempest Musings

“The Tempest” closed on Saturday, and now I’m starting the long recovery process.  Ending the run of a show is like suffering a loss.  Especially when we had such a fantastic closing night.  We had houses of about 20 or so through most of the run.  Closing night we had 78 in the audience.  And they really got the show.  They laughed in all the right places, and really got into the energy of the show.  I am of the belief that no matter how big or small the audience the performance you give is the same.  But it was interesting what a big difference a large responsive audience makes in a performance.  Regardless of that fact, this was one of the best shows I’ve ever been in, and I will miss it terribly. 

Playing Prospero was a really great experience and very rewarding.  But what I will miss most are the actors that I worked with. 

JJ Peeler, the phenomenal actress that played Miranda, was an absolute joy to work with.  She was always right on, consistent and always wonderful.

Bijan Hosseini was a fantastic Caliban.  Always focused and very deep into his character.  He even changed my mind about the character of Caliban.  I used to think if him as a pure villain, but, while he is not blameless, he is not the villain I thought he was.  Bijan’s wonderful performance of the “music of the isle” speech was beautiful. 

I will miss all the actors that from the show, but most of all the amazing JayC Stoddard.  It was a joy throughout the rehearsal process and performances to watch him work.  He is an amazing actor with an uncommon ability to convey emotion and intensity.  One moment that I only discovered about half-way through the run was sitting off stage and watching him during a scene in our second act where Ariel, unseen,  is taunting the drunkards.  Watching him through that scene was incredible.  I have the highest respect for him and hope that sometime very soon I can work with him again.  Not to sound weird or anything, but there was an instant friendship that formed there and I hope to maintain that friendship for a very long time to come.

Now it is back to much more familiar territory with “Iolanthe” and “Trial by Jury/Suor Angelica” and then on to “Fidelio.”  Music I am much more at home with than acting, as I’ve said.  But I am so grateful for what I learned not only about myself, but from the experience of doing Shakespeare.  I certainly hope, and am somewhat confident that it will not be my last.  The other hope I have is that something will miraculously occur to help keep Around the Globe afloat.  This little theater company is facing ruin (if it hasn’t already occurred) and that would be a real shame.  They have produced thoughtful drama for several years and been a great addition to the theater scene in Salt Lake.  Hopefully someone will see that and be able to offer the financial assistance and support that this great company needs.  My love and friendship goes out to all my cast members from Tempest, the crew and staff. I love you all and already miss you terribly.  That is the worst part of doing theater.  Eventually the lights get turned off, the stage is cleared, the costumes are packed away and the friends that you have made that seem so much a part of your life are no longer there.  If I wasn’t such a theater whore, I would have to stop this because each ending hurts so much.  This show especially.  I only wish more people had seen it and been able to participate in one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I normally end my posts with some witty quote about on thing or another, but this time I leave you with something from The Tempest.

“Our revels now are ended. These our actors,

As I foretold you, were all spirits, and

Are melted into air, into thin air;

And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,

The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples, the great globe itself,

Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,

And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,

Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff

As dreams are made on; and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.”

Oh, look! A diamond!

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about all the shows I’ve done over the years and what I’ve let slip through my fingers because of what I’ve let myself become.  Surprisingly, I got a lot of roles when I was a little younger and not quite as heavy, but still overweight.  I did roles like Sky Masterson in “Guys and Dolls",” Adam Pontipee  in “ Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,”  Daddy Warbucks in “Annie Warbucks, “ and The Pirate King in “The Pirates of Penzance.”  These were all roles that I never would have been cast in if it had been at any other theater company.  The owner was a larger man, and I think he saw things differently than most people.  Anyway, I got some really great roles, and a lot of romantic leads.  Audiences didn’t seem to mind.  But I know that I didn’t get many roles at other companies because of my size.  I don’t audition now for many companies unless I know someone involved because I know that I won’t get many of the roles that I want.  Plus there are all the shows that I might get cast in but could never do because of my size.  Shows like “The Andrews Brothers.”  I’ve never seen a full production of it, but the premise is three guys on an island in the Pacific are helping with the USO show.  They are not talented and each have their own quirks.  Then suddenly the news comes that the Andrews Sisters, the headliners, are stranded in quarantine in Hawaii, so they are convinced that they have to impersonate the Andrews Sisters, in full drag, no less.   I want so badly to play one of the parts, but I could never do it as large as I am.

I would love to do other shows, too.  “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, abr.” But I’d never be able to do it physically.  Tons of other shows.  I need to get this girth off me so that I can move better and do the physical stuff.  As you’d see if you came to “The Tempest” moving around stage sets off a torrent of flop-sweat.  It’s not pleasant for the actors I work with or for me, but also not so great for the audience.  I know that I don’t look appealing when this happens.  It was much worse when I was doing dinner theater.  Standing around a bunch of people dripping while they are eating is not good.  Most people were polite and didn’t say anything.  I did my best never to be standing directly over someone.  But one show I had a guy who thought he was a real comedian, and decided to make jokes at my expense.  I didn’t appreciate it, and I know the people at his table felt uncomfortable.  I hated that night.

And so, here I am at age 45, twice my ideal weight and doing little more than blogging about it.  Every once in a while I get a wild hair and try something like cutting out some indulgence or really watching my calorie count. But I don’t get that bang for my buck, as it were, to keep up with it.  Plus I have created such a busy schedule for myself that I don’t make time to do the things that I need to do.  I don’t have the inward drive to do it.  I hate where I am in my own shell, but lack the drive to break out of that shell.  And I don’t seem to get any encouragement from anyone.  My friends have all come to accept who I am, and don’t push me to change.  I need to find less polite friends! 

But maybe my blogging about all this and hearing (or seeing?) myself write all this same stuff over and over again will finally get me to put the remote down, get off the couch and haul my sorry ass across the house to the treadmill or stationary bike for some MUCH needed exercise.  Heaven knows I need it.  I know I need it and so do all of you.

Quote of the day:

“I don't exercise. I'm Jewish. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.  --JOAN RIVERS”

We are such stuff as dreams are made on….

So, we had our opening weekend for “The Tempest,” and it went well.  Audience for both nights was low, but responsive.  A couple of reviews so far can be seen here and here.  If you haven’t purchased you tickets yet, you really should now!  Also you can get a 2-for-1 discount for Thursday’s show, either this week or next.  If you’ve already purchased your tickets for Thursday, you can use the coupon to get additional tickets.  I’m very proud of this show, and of the other actors in the show.  This is one that everyone should see, and if I could, I would require it of you as my friends.

It’s now the middle of the down days between performances, and I’m hitting a real depression.  I’ve approached this show as a challenge to myself to make sure that it was a good as I could possibly make it.  I’ve never taken congratulations well.  When someone comes up to me and says that they liked a performance, or tell me that I did well, I always let it just slide off my back.  I know that I do well, not great, but well in performing.  I now that I put what I can into every performance and want the audience to have a good time, but I don’t particularly want to be singled out.  I like to shine but not be in the spotlight.  And this show has been hard, because as much as I try to be just another player, I am on stage the longest and have the most dialogue.  I’ve been unnaturally insecure about my role.  To the point that I think I’m turning people against me.  How many times can you hear someone wonder about what they are doing without thinking, “How much of that is for real, and how much is a cry for attention?”  I haven’t heard anyone else going through the inner struggles that I have gone through.  And I so do not want to be that kind of an actor.  I don’t want to be the one that everyone has to pussy-foot around and treat with kid gloves because he “has issues.”  But on this show it has felt that I was increasingly the one with the issues.  I certainly hope that it was just my perception.  To any members of the cast that may see this, I hope I wasn’t too much of a pain and that you would all like to work with me again.  I know that I hope to have the privilege of working with you all again sometime soon.

But the end of all this is that I now want to hear the praise.  I want to hear that what I’ve tried to do has worked.  It was great Thursday, Friday and Saturday of last week.  I got that recognition from some very dear friends and family.  And I’m pretty sure it was genuine. And I have tried my best to be gracious.  The cast we have is amazing.  I have learned so much from acting with them.  As I’ve said before, I’m a relative newcomer when it comes to acting.  I hope that my love for this show comes through.  But I have this inner battle between just being one of the crowd, and wanting (just a little) the spotlight.  I’ve tried never to act like a star; a divo, if you will.  Because I know that no matter how much I may try, no matter how good I may be, without the rest of the cast, I’m just blowing in the wind.

I cannot say enough about the actors that I share the stage with most.  JJ Peeler is simply radiant as Miranda.  She is one of the finest actors I have ever worked with, and I’ve learned a lot from her about graciousness and just doing the job.  JayC Stoddard is amazing to me.  He delivers the same performance each time, and has really been a rock for me anchor my performance to.  Also he’s got a great sense of humor and is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  No matter what he may tell you about himself.   Jonathon Tate is a renaissance man whose abilities and talents never cease to amaze: chess master, juggler, rugby player, on and on.  His scenes with JJ are wonderful to see.  Mike Brown plays a great villain.  His Antonio is completely unrepentant, and he is such a consummate actor.  I could sit and watch him in his scenes for hours.  Andrew Maizner is fantastic as Gonzalo, as is Gordon Jones as Alonso.  I have acted with both of them in the past and they always inspire.  The “clowns” in the show, Christopher Kucera and Spencer Belnap along with Bijan Hosseini as Caliban are equally inspiring to watch.  Bijan puts so much work into his character and really becomes something otherworldly in Caliban.  Chris and Spencer provide the comic relief of the evening, but with great skill and facility of language.  They are just great to watch.

When all this is said and done, the one thing that I know I will walk away with is the knowledge that I am a better actor than I was before. Shakespeare does that to you.  You don’t get worse by doing it, it improves you.  I’m not great by any stretch of the imagination, but this has expanded my horizons.  It has added depth to a shallow vessel.  And so regardless of the pats on the back and any kinds words that may come from this (and there should be more of that.  I’m just saying…), I have had the opportunity to grow.  I’ve had the opportunity to work with some amazing people that I had not known previously, who I hope to be able to work with again and again.  I’ve had a patient director who, no doubt, is earning a grander spot in heaven for having put up with me and my neuroses.  But most of all, I’ve had FUN!!!

Curtain Up! Light The Lights!

It has been what seems like an eternity since I last posted.  Lots of things have happened.  “The Tempest” is nearing opening night (Friday, July 15, 2011!! Get your tickets here!)  And here’s a postcard for you all to see:

And contrary to my kids, that is Ariel, not Caliban.  Also, you can get $3 off your tickets with the promo code “Ariel.”  This is one great show.  The cast is first-rate, a great director, and lots of fun special effects, sets and costumes.  Great fun!  And as I’ve said, you will have the opportunity of either seeing me redefine the role of Prospero, or fall flat on my face (possibly both) so either way, ENTERTAINMENT AT IT’S FINEST!

Life and stress has kept me from really doing anything about diet and exercise.  I haven’t really put any more weight on, thank goodness, but I haven’t lost any, either.  My wife has lost 10 pounds, and that is great… for her.  Just not so great for me.  I’m not jealous, I just get discouraged.  I know the benefit of activity and exercise, I just don’t motivate myself to action on it.  I hate being this size.  Especially when I’m acting.  It sucks to be huge.

I read an article stating that water, being essential to fat metabolism, is especially needed by overweight people.  Somehow, while I don’t doubt the truth of that, I don’t think that I’m going to wash away my fat.  But it’s worth a try, right?  So, today I start drinking my way to better health.  Sounds like it should be more fun put that way.  Then you remember it’s just water.

This last weekend I got to spend most of my Saturday fixing a truck.  I got to change the alternator and swap out a couple of radiator hoses.  I still have grease in some of my creases.  It was a good day, but long and hot, and a little frustrating.  When one thing would be fixed something else cropped up.  But I did most of the work, with amazing supervision from my Father.  He is fantastic.  I want to be just like him when I grow up.

Ok, so not as much news as I thought.  When your life is boring, not much happens.  Get tickets to “The Tempest.”  You won’t regret it.

Today’s quote:

“You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wright”

One Midnight Down…!

And we hit the one month mark before the opening of “The Tempest.”  I have a hard deadline of being off-book by this Wednesday, and I’m getting scared.  It’s not that I don’t have the general idea of what it is that I’m saying, or that I don’t know most of the words in the right order.  But it’s Shakespeare.  You need to be word perfect (as opposed to WordPerfect, which would make you an aging and obsolete, though superior, word processing suite).  There’s a reason he put those words in that order.  And with The Tempest, you see Shakespeare near the end of his career, writing in a more developed style and not sticking to the strict iambic pentameter of his earlier works.  And I’ve been a cotton headed ninny muggins lately. and have not been able to concentrate.  This tends to make it difficult with memorizing your lines and getting the whole thing to a point where you can really start to act.

The diet is a total bust right now.  I’m not even trying.  I’ve just been too stressed.  And no, knowing that stressed spelled backwards is desserts does NOT help!  It’s something that I just need to get my resolve back to tackle.  I can feel it building, but it hasn’t burst forth yet.  My gut has, but not my resolve.  It’s summer and I should be excited to get outside, but I don’t have decent shoes or any exercise clothes.  I have one pair of jeans that are about to fall apart on me.  Clothes shopping sucks when you’re a fat pig.  Pretty much everything sucks when you’re fat.  I don’t understand these people that fight for “fat rights.”  I mean I don’t think anyone should be mocked for any reason, but to say that being fat is like being black or gay is just plain stupid.  I don’t need a law passed to feel better about myself.  I need to put down the damn fork and get my ass off the sofa!

The biggest problem I have right now to really exercising is pride.  Any time I start any kind of physical activity, I spout sweat like a rain bird!  If I can do this in the privacy of my own home, it’s not such a big deal.  Out on the streets, it’s more of a concern.  In a rehearsal, it’s down-right tragic.  I know I would be so much happier in so many way if I just kicked myself into gear and exercised.  But I am a huge (no pun intended) creature of habit.  And my habit has been to lounge around.  Well, it’s got to stop.  Or start, rather.  Whichever it is, this tub o’ lard has got to get moving.

Quote of the day:

“I don't answer the phone.  I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.  ~Fred Couples”

Shaky with Shakespeare

The opera is over and now it is on to The Tempest.  We have seven weeks before we open and two weeks for me to be off book.  Prospero is not the biggest Shakespeare part (not really close) but it still has over three times the lines of the next wordy character.  In case you don’t get that, it’s a lot of lines.  572, to be exact.  I have two weeks to get that all down.  Not a lot of time.  I did learn the 20 line Epilogue while I was driving into work today.  (To be honest, I had to a lot of time to do that.  I forgot I had the keys to one of our cars, and had to run back home to drop them off, so it was a three time trip to work.)  I decided that I would try to get the three big speeches down first, then work on the dialogue interactions last.  Hope that’s a good strategy.

The weight loss battle is continuing about the same as always: no progress.  My stress levels have been crazy and so I haven’t been as committed to portion control and exercise as I need to be. (I know, same old story.)  I think the worst part of being fat right now is that fact that I can work up a sweat standing still.  That really sucks.  I have to act with people while I’m dripping.  Ever since one fateful summer opera when I had about the most humiliating experience of my life, that has been a huge deal.  I was doing a staged fight with someone and dripped sweat on their face.  They stopped rehearsal and asked the director if we could be staged differently because he didn’t want to dripped on.  While he didn’t handled that in the best way my feelings, I can’t fault him for his disgust.  But ever since that time it has been a real concern of mine when acting with others.  I’m not sure that much can be done between now and July 15th, but I need to try.

Quote of the day:

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and out little life is rounded with a sleep.” – Prospero –Act. IV, scene 1, “The Tempest”

It’s a brave new world…

Last night we also had the first music read-through for the opera with the conductor and principals for Falstaff.  And I was so thrilled that we have 7 of the 10 principals who have been here before.  And the best of all news was that Melissa Parks was one of them!!  She is a wonderfully talented mezzo who is also a very lovely person, and who has, over the last several years, become a good friend.  This is a great cast and promises to be one of the best operas this season.

I seem entirely unable to post anything on a regular schedule.  And I don’t seem to be able to motivate myself to do anything resembling exercise.  Although I think that I may have come to some resolution on that front.  We had our first read-through for  The Tempest on Saturday, and I am in the company of some serious talents and some fairly buff individuals.  And unless I just want to sit around all the time hating them all for their talent and good looks, I’m going to need to do something about it.  This would involve some sort of walking, cycling or other physical activity program to start immediately.  I have 12 weeks to make some sort of progress toward my overall goal.  I’m establishing a public goal of losing 15 lbs. by July 15th!!!  It’s easily achievable and it’s also a great start on getting back to my svelte and Adonis-like former self.  I just have to keep myself from collapsing from the stress of trying to learn my lines and act up to the level of the rest of the cast.

This also means that I will need to go back to actively watching my calorie intake.  This is no fun, let me tell you.  I found a great website that helps you track daily calories.  The problem is, it is no fun actually seeing the calories you are taking in.   Especially when you know that you’ve been at this level for a long time.  I have created a fairly workable wright maintenance diet.  I am maintaining and have maintained this weight for some time with only very minor fluctuations.  The real solution that I need to take is to reduce the calories, increase the exercise and get steady and consistent with both.  And I know that when I first started the blog, a lot of people got frustrated with me for talking about it but never doing anything about it.  This is now where the rubber meets the pavement.  I’ve reached a point where I have to do this or I will bury myself in a depressive funk so deep that I’ll never come out.  So, if you see me out and about, or just think about it, drop me a line with a word of encouragement.

Quote of the day:

“The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.  ~G.K. Chesterton”

As you from crimes would pardoned be, let your indulgence set me free.

Okay, so the news it out, and I can now say that I have been cast in The Tempest!!  And I have the wonderful opportunity of playing the part of Prospero.  I am both excited and nervous about this because this is my first Shakespeare, and I have a big part to learn/perform.  Also considering some of the other actors who have been cast alongside me, I am in very humbling territory.  This production will open in Midvale at the Main St. Theatre in July.  If you’re interested in the full cast list, head over to AtG News to see the cast and short biographical info.

Beth, our director, is someone with whom I have worked many times.  I am always thrilled to be in a show of hers and know that it will be spectacular.  With the talent she has assembled (only a few of which I have ever worked with before, but many that I have heard about) I know that this will be a spectacular production, as long as I don’t screw it up!

Of course, the real thing for me will be, as it always will until I finally lose all my weight, dealing with my girth and maneuvering around the stage.  being twice the size you should be has effects on the knees and back that are more pronounced when you start moving around on stage and interacting with other people.  Not all that easy.  And when you further add to the mix that most of them are healthy and fit, I stick out like a hippo!  So, this might just be the push that I need to finally get the old lard ass out of the chair and onto the treadmill and bike.  I know that the first post I make stating that I have actually exercised will also be marked by a deafening wind created by you all fainting. But, it’s a chance I’m willing to take.

I do hope that you all will come see the show, and don’t mind a little behind the scenes blogging here about the show.  It’s just that it’s sure to be a big part of what I’m thinking in the next few months.  That and how to fit my body into something that doesn’t look like an Elizabethan equivalent of a muumuu.  Not a very pretty mental image, and I apologize for it.

Today’s quote:

“

“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.  --Woody Allen”

Yes, I am a thespian…

I have to make a confession.  I am a closest thespian.  I know that may shock some of you.  Others of you may have suspected it for sometime: that certain way that I walk; idioms of speech; the way I hold a cup.  It is no secret that my wife has had to come to terms with it.  But she has been very supportive throughout her personal ordeal with this.  It generally means having to deal with me gone a lot of nights, working the company of many other like-minded people, dressing up and putting on makeup, occasionally wigs.  It’s not an easy thing to accept.

Anyway, all that nonsense is prelude to say that I will soon be seen onstage in my first ever Shakespeare play!  I don’t think that official casting has been announced, but I’m very excited.  And a little nervous.  We’ll have to see how well I do.  If auditions were any indication, the cast will be fantastic.  And Beth Bruner always does amazing things directing.  So, I’ll keep you updated on all the info.

Quote of the day:

“I don't get acting jobs because of my looks. - W. H. Auden”

All the world’s a stage…

Ok, it has been a long, long time.  Life has been very busy and very crazy.  For the last week we have been watching two kids for a couple in our ward who went on a cruise.  Their kids have been a lot of fun, and they are good kids, but no matter how good kids are, if they’re not yours, there’s tension there.  And my kids have been the most involved in taking care of them.  They are glad that it is over, and glad to be back to a regular schedule. 

Add to that, Nathaniel, my youngest, broke his arm this past week playing on the playground equipment at school.  He called me and said, “I feel at recess and can’t feel my arm.”  I rush home, he says he’s feeling better, and so I give him some Tylenol, and tell him we'll check him when we get home.  We get home, and Kris says, “I think I need to take him to the Instacare.”  And sure enough, his arm is broken, and I feel like a crap dad for not taking him earlier.

The opera has started, and I had the biggest scare when I went in for my costume fitting.  I was ushered into the fitting room, and shown my costume, which I recognized from many previous productions (a LOT of the costumes get recycled, and I, being so big, have my own “collection” at Utah Opera)  I went to put on the pants, and could not zip them up!  It was like three-four inches to small!!  I know that I haven’t put on that much weight!  As they go to get some new pants, and I take the old ones off, I notice that they have big seams where they have been taken in when they were out on a rental.  WHEW!!  Still, it was a scare, and I do not want to go through that again.  So It is becoming more important to me than ever that I start making this my priority.

And I am auditioning this week for my first ever Shakespeare play.  I’m excited and nervous.  Having never done Shakespeare, this is a little nerve-wracking for me.  I’m having to memorize my first monologue, and trying to chose one is a bit intimidating.  I know that I’m not that great an actor and as I search through the monologues and consider the great actors that have struggled with Shakespeare and who am I to think I can do this.  But I will and I’m going to have a great time (if I’m cast).  I’ll keep you updated.

Quote of the day:

“The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. – George Burns”

Nothing like a hot soak…

Again, another few days. Can’t seem to post on a regular basis, but okay.  So, here we are, the Ides of March.  I agree that it’s best to beware the ides of March.  In fact, I’d like to avoid it at all costs.  I’m ready to go back to bed and cover my head and not come out until April.  If there was any way to do it, I’d be there in a heartbeat.

I also hate the change to Daylight Savings Time.  I have not adapted well to the change this year.  I’m not sleeping, I’m not thinking clearly (as this post will attest) and I feel a little like I’m currently losing my mind, but that will pass, I’m sure. 

I fell like I’m in a creative hole right now.  I’m in between gigs right now. The opera starts rehearsals the end of the month. and opens mid May.  I’m also hoping to do either the next show for Salt Dinner Theatre or The Tempest with Around the Globe Theater Company.  I just want to feel creative again.  Right now, I just feel like I’m blocked.  Even writing this is proving to be trying.  My synapses are not firing in unison today.  I feel like my IQ has dropped to double digits.  And low double digits, at that.  Maybe I just need some sleep.

Quote of the day:

“There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.  ~Sylvia Plath,The Bell Jar”

A Little Gossip, A Little Chat…

So I missed a few days, but I’m back.  Still struggling with my own image, my own perception of myself and how that conforms or disrupts the general perception others have of me.  I really tend and have tended through my life to be a very private person.  Only those who get to really know me have seen inside the fortress that I have erected around my inner self.  And it been erected both emotionally and physically.  That may be what my weight is all about. (Freudians, Jungians, anyone wanna jump in here? …?  No one?  Okay…)  I think that there are a lot of aspects to my psyche that even I am not willing to admit to at this point.  Maybe that’s why I started the blog.  I mean it a little self serving to think that anyone would read the ramblings I spout, but maybe this was an attempt to force myself more into the open.  I’ve tried to be fairly open and honest in what I’ve written.  I also try for a more whimsical, less psychological approach.

Anyway (a favorite word of mine!), this week has gone well.  I got to spend time with my wife for our anniversary.  We went to dinner and to a show and had a very good time.  I was able to also review the show we saw, and that, I think, was where some of my latest angst has sprung from.  The last review I wrote got criticized by someone who apparently felt that they had something to prove to me.  I knew that the review was not the greatest to begin with.  (You know, you win some, you lose some.)  But you feel pretty good about it when you post the review and then someone criticizes you and you start to doubt what you’re doing.  But you bravely post a kind reply that you really didn’t spoil anyone’s time by your review (except, obviously, the person that criticized your review) and try to go on.  Then you find out that your arch nemesis (as you now refer to him mentally) decides to expand on just how incompetent and truly damaging to the entire art of theater you have now become as a reviewer.  You really get your dander up and write a truly scathing rebuttal about how small minded and petty this person has become (especially when you find out that he was one of the actors in the show and now comes off sounding like a bitter, small-membered weasel who just wants to prove how incredibly smart he thinks he is by tearing you down) and your finger hovers over the “send” button.  Then at the last moment you decide that you will take the high road and rewrite your response to say, essentially, thanks and I’ll take your enlightened views to heart (when hell freezes over or I have my brain removed, whichever comes first).  So the end of all that is that you then agonize over your next review because you loved the show, but there were just so many small areas that seemed to miss the mark by that much (I know you can’t see my fingers being held closely together, but it’s happening nonetheless).  And it should be posted soon, so head over to Utah Theater Bloggers and look for the review of “Man of La Mancha.”  I will be going to see two more shows this weekend, so we’ll have to see what happens there.

Still no exercise yet.  No time lately, but then I have to make the time, don’t I?  Well, It’s not for lack of wanting, it’s just that I know I have to do it in the morning if I’m going to get it done.  But that also presupposes that I’m getting to bed early enough to get up early to exercise.  And I just haven’t done that yet.

Two Quotes for today:

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. - Jack Handey”

“A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. – Tyne Daley”

A New Me – A New Purpose – A New Beginning

Here we are at another weekend.  I love Fridays.  And not just because the work week is over.  Fridays just seem more laidback than other days.  And I like that.

For our anniversary last night, we just stayed in and ate pot pies. Very Exciting!!  But we are going to go out tonight and do something fun. Maybe a movie, definitely dinner (at which I will NOT be counting calories!) and then who knows.

Tomorrow we are going to my great-nephew’s baptism.  He is such a funny kid.  Very smart.  Very brainy.  Very much his own person at eight years of age.  It will be fun to be with the family.  Then Sunday we are going to a birthday party for my niece.

Things are getting exciting at work.  We are getting some new people on the helpdesk and changes are afoot.  It’s really going to change a lot of what goes on here.  And I‘m excited for the future.

I have also been thinking that I really need to get serious with my weight loss.  I have had a lot of fun making jokes and such on this blog, but I need to get serious.  One of my neighbors is going in for bariatric surgery.  His doctor apparently told him it was that or he could wait to die.  I haven’t had a doctor tell me that, but why wait until that happens.  I need to get off my fat duff and get moving so that I don’t have to have a doctor tell me to plan my funeral.  This is not going to be easy.  Really, what change ever is easy?  But I have been in this rut for so many years that I have become the poster child for failed attempts.  On the bright side, it only has to succeed once to be a success.  I want to be thin again.  I want to be able to shop wherever I want.  I want to be able to comfortably fit behind the wheel of any car.  I want to be able to buckle any seat belt.  I want to have a cute butt again (assuming that I ever had a cute a butt to begin with!).  A new me – A new purpose – A new beginning.

Quote of the day

“Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox”

Make of Our Hearts One Heart…

So, it’s been a while.  All my good intentions of posting often and doing more have come to naught.  I have continued on in my normal mode, casually watching what I eat, meaning to start an exercise program, and not really doing either.  My biggest frustration in it all is trying to keep up on all of what I “should” be doing.  Have you ever tried to start a new habit?  They say you need to doing something continuously for two weeks for it to be a habit.  It hasn’t helped me to do this.  I tracked my calories daily for well over those two weeks, and then one day got frustrated and haven’t really done it with any consistency since. It just gets to be a bit of a hassle, not to mention depressing that I consistently fall below what the tracker tells me I should be eating to maintain my weight, and I don’t lose a gram.  So either they are off or my tracking is, and I’m not sure which is more demoralizing.

Anyway, Today is a very special day.  It is my 22nd anniversary.  March 3, 1989 I married my sweetheart on a very blustery, frigid day.  It was so bitterly cold outside that day, and we have the pictures to prove it.  Bright red noses, dresses blowing all over; it was COLD!  The weekend before and the weekend after were both wonderfully mild, sunny days.  But that’s the way the world turns.  Although the elements didn’t give us a wonderful day, it was still the start of a wonderful and beautiful journey.  And on that journey I have had my best friend at my side, going along with me through the storms and trials, and through the glorious times that have been the past 22 years.  I cannot say enough about how wonderful my wife is.  She first and foremost has to put up with me, and as any of you who know me can attest, that is not the easiest thing to do.  And in spite of all my short comings, foibles, and petty jealousies, she loves me.  She love me despite the fact that I am fat.  She loves me despite the fact that I am one of the most frustratingly needy egotists alive.  She loves me even though I have some of the most maddening habits and quirks of anyone I know.  She is the love of my life and the sweetest person I know.  She never does a thing out of malice or anger, and she gives more from her heart than anyone would think possible.

Out family is doing well, and progressing in their own ways in such wonderful ways.  I somehow have a feeling that this year is going to usher in some big changes for our family.  I’m not sure how, but I feel that very strongly.  And I am excited and anxious and looking forward to it all.  I am not a person given to anticipating change, but for some reason I have the feeling that the changes coming are going to be good.

Utah Opera has announced the 2011/12 season, and I am stoked!  The four operas this next season are: Fidelio by Beethoven, Rigoletto by Verdi, The Elixir of Love by Donizetti and Of Mice and Men by Floyd.  I am so excited!  All shows have chorus and all are wonderful shows.  Elixir they haven’t done since 1986.  I am so thrilled.  I only hope that I make it into all the shows.

I am also continuing in my hobby as a theater reviewer.  I have done 6 shows so far, and have another 2 coming up this month.  I’ve really having a great time getting to see shows and becoming familiar with other companies.  You can follow all the reviews at the Utah Theater Bloggers website.

Quote of the day:

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin”

Life on the Wicked Stage…

So here we are over two weeks since my last post.  Every morning I wake up and think, “Hey, today’s the day I start exercising!  Today’s the day I actually get it into gear.”  It never seems to work, however.  So I’m publically coming clean on my blog.  And if you read this, find some time, some way to ask me, prod me, or push me into actually accomplishing something.  I’m tired of being a huge blob, and want to be the hot thing I used to be.  (Well, hot it probably a huge exaggeration, but what are you gonna do?)

Work is getting better all the time. I finally realized that I need to make some changes in my life to be able to be happy in all aspects.  Work was a big thing.  I had come to be somewhat frustrated, but I’m working past that.  I’ve finally realized that if I’m going to happy again, I have to make it happen. 

I’ve also decided that if I’m going to improve in my writing abilities, I need to write something every day.  I want my reviews to become better, and one way to do this is to write on this every day.  So that is also my goal.  (Feel free to prod me on that, as well.)  I won’t promise to be funny or insightful every single post, but I’ll do my best.  This one, obviously, isn’t any great shakes.

I have a great opportunity coming up this weekend.  I get to review “Spamalot” on Friday and I get to see “Romeo and Juliet” this Saturday.  I’ve seen R&J in rehearsal, and it is fun.  The young man playing Romeo is now my new most hated person.  Have I told you about my most hated person?  No?  Well, let me enlighten you…

You see, being the measure of perfection that I am, from time to time I run across someone who make me want to puke and/or kill them, for one reason or another.  Usually it is someone who is attractive, in good shape, and very talented.  Three things that I hate, because it make me seem so much less than I am, if only in my own eyes.  And I find that as I get older, there seems to be a lot more of these hateful creatures on this planet every year.  This kid is phenomenal!  He is good looking, he does accents wonderfully, he is a great actor, and will steal everyone’s hearts as Romeo.  I hate him!  I’m getting to the point in my life that I am seeing roles go by that I will never have the chance to play in any decent production.  And I’m not the kind, balanced personality that can just be happy that there are people that can do it.  I want it, and it galls me that I will never achieve it.  Not really, but it does grate at times when I decide to let myself feel sorry for myself.  I know that I have many roles ahead of me, and that there will be many that I have not even considered that may come up.  But it’s never the ones that you can see that gall you, it’s the ones that are past.  (Oh, get over it!!!)

So there we are.  Go see Romeo and Juliet and join me in hoping this is only the first of a long line a shows in which to hate this young man.  I’ll post my review of Spamalot when that gets done.

Today’s quote:

“You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.”  -- Michael Wilding

I’m Baaaaaaaack!

So a new year has started, and on the 21st day of this new year, I am finally writing my first post of said year.  This year is bound to be better than last year.  I will make sure of that.  I have a new theater company to work with, a new hobby as a theater critic, and my wonderful family.  I have a renewed desire to achieve all that I can and become a better person.  Puppies and butterflies, rainbows and unicorns.  Sorry it was just getting too corny.

I am going to be better this year about all things diet and exercise.  I have a great role model in this right now: my daughter.  She is really working hard and exercising every day.  And she’s getting results. 

The new endeavor as an aspiring critic is taking off.  Here’s a quick link to my reviews: http://tinyurl.com/4drgfzj   Tell me what you think.

This is just a quick post to say I’m back. 

Today’s quote:

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you’re hungry again"
- George Miller