Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Another day I missed!  What is going on with me?  I am just falling down on my responsibilities.  I’m also falling down on my exercise goals.  I still haven’t started a regular plan.  I have a dog (which is a lab/husky mix with a very active constitution), who has a leash.  I should be going out nightly for a pull, but I just haven’t done it yet. 

I got a link yesterday from my big brother about a friend of his that has lost 150 lbs. just though sheer force of will.  It was a link to a TV news clip about his weight loss.  It was both inspiring and hard to watch.  My weight issues are a complicated mess in my psyche.  I’m not sure I even understand all that is tangled up in there.  Physiology/genetics plays a part, I’m sure, but my parents are not large, or at least not through most of their lives.  My mother has had her issues with weight, but has made incredible strides since being diagnosed with diabetes. I have been lucky in that my blood work has always been well in the healthy range on that score.  And my cholesterol has always been in a good range.  For as fat as I am, I’m pretty healthy.  But I know that won’t last for too long if I keep going the way I have been.  I’ve been incredibly lucky to stay so relatively healthy.  Having said that, I fear for anything that might come up that would require me to have surgery or anything that I may have to be put under for.  It scared me a year ago when I had to be put out for surgery on my broken hand.  That has been a major reason I have not opted for bariatric surgery.  And why I have decided to finally get off my duff and do something serious about my weight.

Think of all the things that can happen to you in this life.  Think of all the random things that can occur, outside of your control, in this life.  I have four fantastic kids and the sweetest, most wonderful wife a man could hope for.  They all give me more support than anyone should hope for.  they also give the kick in the pants that I need when I’m feeling especially sorry for myself.  I don’t want to leave them.  I don’t want them to be without a husband or father before I reach my 90th birthday.  I want to see my grandkids (provided my daughter can ever get a date!) and possibly my great-grandkids.  That won’t happen if I don’t change my life and lose the extra fat person I’m carrying on my body.  I have over 250 lbs. to lose to reach my goal.  That’s a whole boy band.  I’m carting around N’Sync every day right now.  I want to be there for my family.

So, as I was saying before the detour, I watched this video of a man in my situation, having lost 150 lbs. and moving around so much better, playing with his grandkids, and enjoying life so much more than he had.  I wanted to sit down and cry.  I couldn’t talk to anyone for an hour.  I know what I am doing is possible. I know that I can do it.  But it’s so hard.  In the end, the real question is: Am I or is my weight more powerful?  we come into this world to experience a host of adventures, and through it all we have to govern our appetites and passions.  We have the choice to allow those appetites and passions to control us or to control them.  I haven’t been controlling anything in the area of my weight.  I’ve been on autopilot with a full-blown smorgasbord in front of me.  And it hurts to really see what I brought myself to.  We went on a cruise recently to the Mexican Riviera (A vacation I heartily recommend to everyone!!).  We had a fantastic time, but I was still a downer for my wife, and myself, in many ways.  In particular, when we were in Cabo San Lucas, we were walking along the port, and we got about half-way though the town, and I had a full-blown melt-down because I was hot and sweating, and miserable.  The only reason for that was that I am so heavy and out of shape that I couldn’t even enjoy the beautiful time we were having.  I don’t ever want that to happen again.

And I need to clarify one little point:  My daughter is beautiful!  An wonderful girl, who, for whatever reason, has not dated a lot.  I’m not pushing.  I love her and know that she is going to find the greatest guy, who is going to be so lucky to have her.  My kids are all the most amazing kids who have given us no trouble.  There so much better than any of yours.  So I am just teasing when I say if my daughter can ever get a date.

Quote of the day:

“One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.  ~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright, Pavarotti, My Own Story”