Okay, so my updating of this blog is spotty at best. I have felt a crush of things I’ve had to do lately, and I just find the easiest thing to drop and this, right now, happens to be it. I try, but just don’t succeed too well where this is concerned.
I’ve been doing pretty well with my diet so far. I am getting to the point where I automatically think twice before eating some of the worst foods I never used to even think about eating. I am consciously making myself control the portion size of the foods I eat, and I don’t buy sugary snacks, as a general rule, anymore. I have once or twice bought a candy bar, but I let it sit for a few days, and if I do get more than one, I no longer eat them all in one sitting, or even in one day. I used to be really bad about that. The Maverik by my work always has some special going for candy bars (4/$2) or theater size candy (2/$2.50) and I used to jump at each opportunity. I would then end up eating all of it in one sitting, usually after everyone else had left work for the day. Now I don’t buy them, and if I do get some treats, I portion them out across the week. I know understand the idea of having a box of cookies and making them last. I don’t trust myself to do it yet, but I understand it. I guess that’s kind of like an alcoholic understanding not drinking but not putting it in to practice. But if avoidance is the first step that I have to take, I’ll take it.
I had a great conversation with one of my friends at the Opera rehearsal last night. We were talking about weight loss and the things you have to do to get yourself to lose weight and watch your eating. He mentioned that there is one food in particular that he has learned he cannot even buy. For him it’s Adams Natural Peanut Butter. I can relate. I grew up with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a spoon in the other. It’s pretty sad. I went through most of my life growing up in pretty good shape. I was thin and healthy, and had pretty good stamina for someone that wasn’t big into sports. I used to hike up to the “V” above Bountiful about every other week in summer. I used to go camping and walking. I was very active and was always on the go. When I came home from my mission I weighed 165 lbs. Now, on a 6’4” frame that’s pretty slim. We walked everywhere. I never had a car or a bike. I walked like a maniac. I got home and sat and ate. And ate. And ate. It was a recipe for disaster baked inside a huge plate of brownies. And I swallowed it all. 5-6 times a day. And that’s how I got to be the beached whale you all know and love. Along the way I picked up some healthy neuroses, and a fairly active low self-esteem. All of these things, of course, fueled the fire that baked by buffet of destruction. This is what I’m fighting my way out of now. If you’ve never been fat and depressed, you have no idea how enticing the siren call of the dessert aisle is. It’s intoxicating. And I’m going through the DTs now. I think that is one reason I’ve been cranky and on edge about almost everything.
Anyway, This is why I’m doing this. I want my life back. I don’t want to be a victim of my cravings and weaknesses. I’d much rather be a “victim” of good health. This is a long process and will take several months to correct. I am well aware of the time it will take me to safely lose all this weight. I’m not looking for a quick fix, just a consistent one.
Quote of the day:
“There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. ~Robert Frost”
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