Wow! Almost a month has gone by and I haven’t written a post. Amazing how the mind just shuts down during times of stress. I think it’s probably a good thing, in many ways, that I didn’t post during last month. It would most likely be filled with vitriol and hate. Let’s just say that October was not a good one for the Porter family. I feel lucky that I made it through the month without a major melt down or public disturbance. I have neither the street cred of celebrity status to survive such a thing. Lindsay Lohan I am not. (I thank the stars and little baby pixies every day for that one.) I won’t go into details on all that has happened, but here are a few highlights:
The opera had a spectacular run. Five shows of glorious singing and one of the best operas, bar none! I love the opera chorus and cherish my time there. It is a real joy and such an outlet in my life. We finished that and I had a chance to sing an off-stage chorus in last weekend’s symphony performance of the Berlioz Romeo et Juliette. Our part was about five minutes long, but it was great fun! There’s something amazing to me about seeing the Capitol Theater or Abravanel Hall from the stage, especially filled with people. I count myself lucky every time I get to perform in either venue.
My Halloween show finished it’s run, and it was a great success. As I have said on this blog before, not everything connected with the experience was fun, but it was what it was and I feel good about the end result. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t easy. I think there may be some people that I will never work with again, but it entertained audiences and they had a good time, and I think that the actors, for the most part, enjoyed the experience.
Work has not been great lately. There has been a lot of drama happening, and there is going to be some fallout over that. My supervisor was on assignment for the the last month, and things didn’t go as smoothly as they should have while this occurred. We are getting some small ripples right now that are going to become larger waves, I fear, before this is all over. I did, however, come to a startling realization during this time. I have carried resentment over a situation that happened to me over 10 years ago on another job that caused me real problems on my current job when I transferred that resentment onto some people that I now work with. Amazing how things like that can creep up and bite you on the butt years later. For obvious reasons, I won’t go into details on this one, but it has become apparent to me that I have some work to do.
The diet has suffered over this month. I completely stopped tracking any calories, stopped weighing myself and the damage, while not devastating, is not pretty. I still haven’t returned to my “glory days” of eating an entire batch of cookie dough at midnight, or wolfing down food without so much as a taste, but I did let my resolve slip and as a result have gained back some of the few pounds I had lost. This comes as one of the bitterest parts of this last month. My determination has taken a huge hit, and I still am struggling to come out of it. I have taken back to being more aware of the calories that I eat, but not with the fortitude that I once had. I see a terrible trend in my life that I set out on a project with the drive and determination of Gandhi, and end up some time later with the fortitude and strength of Gumby. I start out with the world as my oyster with an R in every month, and end up a quivering tower of Jell-O. It’s the stick-to-itiveness that I seem to lack, or at least have in short supply. I am rallying, albeit slowly, to get back to the drive I once had. I don’t want to have my life defined by my lack of fortitude.
I am looking forward to the holidays at least to reconnect with people. I feel as though I have been out of contact with the friends and family that mean so much to me. I hope to have the chance to sit down with you all soon and we can discuss all the gory details. Any of you who know me know that my motto stands true: If you can’t say something nice, come sit by me! Hopefully the holidays will allow for a more relaxed time for the Porters, and provide some much needed social interaction.
Quote of the day:
“Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on. ~George Bernard Shaw”
1 comment:
Tony, don't beat yourself up about the diet thing. We all have times when we fall off whatever wagon we are trying to stay on. Like the song says, "Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again!" I am so impressed you lost 16 lbs. That's a small child! I wish I had lost 16 lbs. Currently I am trying to get into the habit of working out at least 3 times a week. So, we all have our challenges. Don't get discouraged. I know it sounds trite, but "you can do it." Take it one day at a time, or one meal at a time or 15 minutes at a time. And thanks for the birthday wishes. I love facebook for that.
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