I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about all the shows I’ve done over the years and what I’ve let slip through my fingers because of what I’ve let myself become. Surprisingly, I got a lot of roles when I was a little younger and not quite as heavy, but still overweight. I did roles like Sky Masterson in “Guys and Dolls",” Adam Pontipee in “ Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,” Daddy Warbucks in “Annie Warbucks, “ and The Pirate King in “The Pirates of Penzance.” These were all roles that I never would have been cast in if it had been at any other theater company. The owner was a larger man, and I think he saw things differently than most people. Anyway, I got some really great roles, and a lot of romantic leads. Audiences didn’t seem to mind. But I know that I didn’t get many roles at other companies because of my size. I don’t audition now for many companies unless I know someone involved because I know that I won’t get many of the roles that I want. Plus there are all the shows that I might get cast in but could never do because of my size. Shows like “The Andrews Brothers.” I’ve never seen a full production of it, but the premise is three guys on an island in the Pacific are helping with the USO show. They are not talented and each have their own quirks. Then suddenly the news comes that the Andrews Sisters, the headliners, are stranded in quarantine in Hawaii, so they are convinced that they have to impersonate the Andrews Sisters, in full drag, no less. I want so badly to play one of the parts, but I could never do it as large as I am.
I would love to do other shows, too. “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, abr.” But I’d never be able to do it physically. Tons of other shows. I need to get this girth off me so that I can move better and do the physical stuff. As you’d see if you came to “The Tempest” moving around stage sets off a torrent of flop-sweat. It’s not pleasant for the actors I work with or for me, but also not so great for the audience. I know that I don’t look appealing when this happens. It was much worse when I was doing dinner theater. Standing around a bunch of people dripping while they are eating is not good. Most people were polite and didn’t say anything. I did my best never to be standing directly over someone. But one show I had a guy who thought he was a real comedian, and decided to make jokes at my expense. I didn’t appreciate it, and I know the people at his table felt uncomfortable. I hated that night.
And so, here I am at age 45, twice my ideal weight and doing little more than blogging about it. Every once in a while I get a wild hair and try something like cutting out some indulgence or really watching my calorie count. But I don’t get that bang for my buck, as it were, to keep up with it. Plus I have created such a busy schedule for myself that I don’t make time to do the things that I need to do. I don’t have the inward drive to do it. I hate where I am in my own shell, but lack the drive to break out of that shell. And I don’t seem to get any encouragement from anyone. My friends have all come to accept who I am, and don’t push me to change. I need to find less polite friends!
But maybe my blogging about all this and hearing (or seeing?) myself write all this same stuff over and over again will finally get me to put the remote down, get off the couch and haul my sorry ass across the house to the treadmill or stationary bike for some MUCH needed exercise. Heaven knows I need it. I know I need it and so do all of you.
Quote of the day:
“I don't exercise. I'm Jewish. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. --JOAN RIVERS”
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