We are such stuff as dreams are made on….

So, we had our opening weekend for “The Tempest,” and it went well.  Audience for both nights was low, but responsive.  A couple of reviews so far can be seen here and here.  If you haven’t purchased you tickets yet, you really should now!  Also you can get a 2-for-1 discount for Thursday’s show, either this week or next.  If you’ve already purchased your tickets for Thursday, you can use the coupon to get additional tickets.  I’m very proud of this show, and of the other actors in the show.  This is one that everyone should see, and if I could, I would require it of you as my friends.

It’s now the middle of the down days between performances, and I’m hitting a real depression.  I’ve approached this show as a challenge to myself to make sure that it was a good as I could possibly make it.  I’ve never taken congratulations well.  When someone comes up to me and says that they liked a performance, or tell me that I did well, I always let it just slide off my back.  I know that I do well, not great, but well in performing.  I now that I put what I can into every performance and want the audience to have a good time, but I don’t particularly want to be singled out.  I like to shine but not be in the spotlight.  And this show has been hard, because as much as I try to be just another player, I am on stage the longest and have the most dialogue.  I’ve been unnaturally insecure about my role.  To the point that I think I’m turning people against me.  How many times can you hear someone wonder about what they are doing without thinking, “How much of that is for real, and how much is a cry for attention?”  I haven’t heard anyone else going through the inner struggles that I have gone through.  And I so do not want to be that kind of an actor.  I don’t want to be the one that everyone has to pussy-foot around and treat with kid gloves because he “has issues.”  But on this show it has felt that I was increasingly the one with the issues.  I certainly hope that it was just my perception.  To any members of the cast that may see this, I hope I wasn’t too much of a pain and that you would all like to work with me again.  I know that I hope to have the privilege of working with you all again sometime soon.

But the end of all this is that I now want to hear the praise.  I want to hear that what I’ve tried to do has worked.  It was great Thursday, Friday and Saturday of last week.  I got that recognition from some very dear friends and family.  And I’m pretty sure it was genuine. And I have tried my best to be gracious.  The cast we have is amazing.  I have learned so much from acting with them.  As I’ve said before, I’m a relative newcomer when it comes to acting.  I hope that my love for this show comes through.  But I have this inner battle between just being one of the crowd, and wanting (just a little) the spotlight.  I’ve tried never to act like a star; a divo, if you will.  Because I know that no matter how much I may try, no matter how good I may be, without the rest of the cast, I’m just blowing in the wind.

I cannot say enough about the actors that I share the stage with most.  JJ Peeler is simply radiant as Miranda.  She is one of the finest actors I have ever worked with, and I’ve learned a lot from her about graciousness and just doing the job.  JayC Stoddard is amazing to me.  He delivers the same performance each time, and has really been a rock for me anchor my performance to.  Also he’s got a great sense of humor and is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  No matter what he may tell you about himself.   Jonathon Tate is a renaissance man whose abilities and talents never cease to amaze: chess master, juggler, rugby player, on and on.  His scenes with JJ are wonderful to see.  Mike Brown plays a great villain.  His Antonio is completely unrepentant, and he is such a consummate actor.  I could sit and watch him in his scenes for hours.  Andrew Maizner is fantastic as Gonzalo, as is Gordon Jones as Alonso.  I have acted with both of them in the past and they always inspire.  The “clowns” in the show, Christopher Kucera and Spencer Belnap along with Bijan Hosseini as Caliban are equally inspiring to watch.  Bijan puts so much work into his character and really becomes something otherworldly in Caliban.  Chris and Spencer provide the comic relief of the evening, but with great skill and facility of language.  They are just great to watch.

When all this is said and done, the one thing that I know I will walk away with is the knowledge that I am a better actor than I was before. Shakespeare does that to you.  You don’t get worse by doing it, it improves you.  I’m not great by any stretch of the imagination, but this has expanded my horizons.  It has added depth to a shallow vessel.  And so regardless of the pats on the back and any kinds words that may come from this (and there should be more of that.  I’m just saying…), I have had the opportunity to grow.  I’ve had the opportunity to work with some amazing people that I had not known previously, who I hope to be able to work with again and again.  I’ve had a patient director who, no doubt, is earning a grander spot in heaven for having put up with me and my neuroses.  But most of all, I’ve had FUN!!!

One Midnight Down…!

And we hit the one month mark before the opening of “The Tempest.”  I have a hard deadline of being off-book by this Wednesday, and I’m getting scared.  It’s not that I don’t have the general idea of what it is that I’m saying, or that I don’t know most of the words in the right order.  But it’s Shakespeare.  You need to be word perfect (as opposed to WordPerfect, which would make you an aging and obsolete, though superior, word processing suite).  There’s a reason he put those words in that order.  And with The Tempest, you see Shakespeare near the end of his career, writing in a more developed style and not sticking to the strict iambic pentameter of his earlier works.  And I’ve been a cotton headed ninny muggins lately. and have not been able to concentrate.  This tends to make it difficult with memorizing your lines and getting the whole thing to a point where you can really start to act.

The diet is a total bust right now.  I’m not even trying.  I’ve just been too stressed.  And no, knowing that stressed spelled backwards is desserts does NOT help!  It’s something that I just need to get my resolve back to tackle.  I can feel it building, but it hasn’t burst forth yet.  My gut has, but not my resolve.  It’s summer and I should be excited to get outside, but I don’t have decent shoes or any exercise clothes.  I have one pair of jeans that are about to fall apart on me.  Clothes shopping sucks when you’re a fat pig.  Pretty much everything sucks when you’re fat.  I don’t understand these people that fight for “fat rights.”  I mean I don’t think anyone should be mocked for any reason, but to say that being fat is like being black or gay is just plain stupid.  I don’t need a law passed to feel better about myself.  I need to put down the damn fork and get my ass off the sofa!

The biggest problem I have right now to really exercising is pride.  Any time I start any kind of physical activity, I spout sweat like a rain bird!  If I can do this in the privacy of my own home, it’s not such a big deal.  Out on the streets, it’s more of a concern.  In a rehearsal, it’s down-right tragic.  I know I would be so much happier in so many way if I just kicked myself into gear and exercised.  But I am a huge (no pun intended) creature of habit.  And my habit has been to lounge around.  Well, it’s got to stop.  Or start, rather.  Whichever it is, this tub o’ lard has got to get moving.

Quote of the day:

“I don't answer the phone.  I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.  ~Fred Couples”