Oh, look! A diamond!

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about all the shows I’ve done over the years and what I’ve let slip through my fingers because of what I’ve let myself become.  Surprisingly, I got a lot of roles when I was a little younger and not quite as heavy, but still overweight.  I did roles like Sky Masterson in “Guys and Dolls",” Adam Pontipee  in “ Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,”  Daddy Warbucks in “Annie Warbucks, “ and The Pirate King in “The Pirates of Penzance.”  These were all roles that I never would have been cast in if it had been at any other theater company.  The owner was a larger man, and I think he saw things differently than most people.  Anyway, I got some really great roles, and a lot of romantic leads.  Audiences didn’t seem to mind.  But I know that I didn’t get many roles at other companies because of my size.  I don’t audition now for many companies unless I know someone involved because I know that I won’t get many of the roles that I want.  Plus there are all the shows that I might get cast in but could never do because of my size.  Shows like “The Andrews Brothers.”  I’ve never seen a full production of it, but the premise is three guys on an island in the Pacific are helping with the USO show.  They are not talented and each have their own quirks.  Then suddenly the news comes that the Andrews Sisters, the headliners, are stranded in quarantine in Hawaii, so they are convinced that they have to impersonate the Andrews Sisters, in full drag, no less.   I want so badly to play one of the parts, but I could never do it as large as I am.

I would love to do other shows, too.  “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, abr.” But I’d never be able to do it physically.  Tons of other shows.  I need to get this girth off me so that I can move better and do the physical stuff.  As you’d see if you came to “The Tempest” moving around stage sets off a torrent of flop-sweat.  It’s not pleasant for the actors I work with or for me, but also not so great for the audience.  I know that I don’t look appealing when this happens.  It was much worse when I was doing dinner theater.  Standing around a bunch of people dripping while they are eating is not good.  Most people were polite and didn’t say anything.  I did my best never to be standing directly over someone.  But one show I had a guy who thought he was a real comedian, and decided to make jokes at my expense.  I didn’t appreciate it, and I know the people at his table felt uncomfortable.  I hated that night.

And so, here I am at age 45, twice my ideal weight and doing little more than blogging about it.  Every once in a while I get a wild hair and try something like cutting out some indulgence or really watching my calorie count. But I don’t get that bang for my buck, as it were, to keep up with it.  Plus I have created such a busy schedule for myself that I don’t make time to do the things that I need to do.  I don’t have the inward drive to do it.  I hate where I am in my own shell, but lack the drive to break out of that shell.  And I don’t seem to get any encouragement from anyone.  My friends have all come to accept who I am, and don’t push me to change.  I need to find less polite friends! 

But maybe my blogging about all this and hearing (or seeing?) myself write all this same stuff over and over again will finally get me to put the remote down, get off the couch and haul my sorry ass across the house to the treadmill or stationary bike for some MUCH needed exercise.  Heaven knows I need it.  I know I need it and so do all of you.

Quote of the day:

“I don't exercise. I'm Jewish. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.  --JOAN RIVERS”

We are such stuff as dreams are made on….

So, we had our opening weekend for “The Tempest,” and it went well.  Audience for both nights was low, but responsive.  A couple of reviews so far can be seen here and here.  If you haven’t purchased you tickets yet, you really should now!  Also you can get a 2-for-1 discount for Thursday’s show, either this week or next.  If you’ve already purchased your tickets for Thursday, you can use the coupon to get additional tickets.  I’m very proud of this show, and of the other actors in the show.  This is one that everyone should see, and if I could, I would require it of you as my friends.

It’s now the middle of the down days between performances, and I’m hitting a real depression.  I’ve approached this show as a challenge to myself to make sure that it was a good as I could possibly make it.  I’ve never taken congratulations well.  When someone comes up to me and says that they liked a performance, or tell me that I did well, I always let it just slide off my back.  I know that I do well, not great, but well in performing.  I now that I put what I can into every performance and want the audience to have a good time, but I don’t particularly want to be singled out.  I like to shine but not be in the spotlight.  And this show has been hard, because as much as I try to be just another player, I am on stage the longest and have the most dialogue.  I’ve been unnaturally insecure about my role.  To the point that I think I’m turning people against me.  How many times can you hear someone wonder about what they are doing without thinking, “How much of that is for real, and how much is a cry for attention?”  I haven’t heard anyone else going through the inner struggles that I have gone through.  And I so do not want to be that kind of an actor.  I don’t want to be the one that everyone has to pussy-foot around and treat with kid gloves because he “has issues.”  But on this show it has felt that I was increasingly the one with the issues.  I certainly hope that it was just my perception.  To any members of the cast that may see this, I hope I wasn’t too much of a pain and that you would all like to work with me again.  I know that I hope to have the privilege of working with you all again sometime soon.

But the end of all this is that I now want to hear the praise.  I want to hear that what I’ve tried to do has worked.  It was great Thursday, Friday and Saturday of last week.  I got that recognition from some very dear friends and family.  And I’m pretty sure it was genuine. And I have tried my best to be gracious.  The cast we have is amazing.  I have learned so much from acting with them.  As I’ve said before, I’m a relative newcomer when it comes to acting.  I hope that my love for this show comes through.  But I have this inner battle between just being one of the crowd, and wanting (just a little) the spotlight.  I’ve tried never to act like a star; a divo, if you will.  Because I know that no matter how much I may try, no matter how good I may be, without the rest of the cast, I’m just blowing in the wind.

I cannot say enough about the actors that I share the stage with most.  JJ Peeler is simply radiant as Miranda.  She is one of the finest actors I have ever worked with, and I’ve learned a lot from her about graciousness and just doing the job.  JayC Stoddard is amazing to me.  He delivers the same performance each time, and has really been a rock for me anchor my performance to.  Also he’s got a great sense of humor and is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  No matter what he may tell you about himself.   Jonathon Tate is a renaissance man whose abilities and talents never cease to amaze: chess master, juggler, rugby player, on and on.  His scenes with JJ are wonderful to see.  Mike Brown plays a great villain.  His Antonio is completely unrepentant, and he is such a consummate actor.  I could sit and watch him in his scenes for hours.  Andrew Maizner is fantastic as Gonzalo, as is Gordon Jones as Alonso.  I have acted with both of them in the past and they always inspire.  The “clowns” in the show, Christopher Kucera and Spencer Belnap along with Bijan Hosseini as Caliban are equally inspiring to watch.  Bijan puts so much work into his character and really becomes something otherworldly in Caliban.  Chris and Spencer provide the comic relief of the evening, but with great skill and facility of language.  They are just great to watch.

When all this is said and done, the one thing that I know I will walk away with is the knowledge that I am a better actor than I was before. Shakespeare does that to you.  You don’t get worse by doing it, it improves you.  I’m not great by any stretch of the imagination, but this has expanded my horizons.  It has added depth to a shallow vessel.  And so regardless of the pats on the back and any kinds words that may come from this (and there should be more of that.  I’m just saying…), I have had the opportunity to grow.  I’ve had the opportunity to work with some amazing people that I had not known previously, who I hope to be able to work with again and again.  I’ve had a patient director who, no doubt, is earning a grander spot in heaven for having put up with me and my neuroses.  But most of all, I’ve had FUN!!!

Curtain Up! Light The Lights!

It has been what seems like an eternity since I last posted.  Lots of things have happened.  “The Tempest” is nearing opening night (Friday, July 15, 2011!! Get your tickets here!)  And here’s a postcard for you all to see:

And contrary to my kids, that is Ariel, not Caliban.  Also, you can get $3 off your tickets with the promo code “Ariel.”  This is one great show.  The cast is first-rate, a great director, and lots of fun special effects, sets and costumes.  Great fun!  And as I’ve said, you will have the opportunity of either seeing me redefine the role of Prospero, or fall flat on my face (possibly both) so either way, ENTERTAINMENT AT IT’S FINEST!

Life and stress has kept me from really doing anything about diet and exercise.  I haven’t really put any more weight on, thank goodness, but I haven’t lost any, either.  My wife has lost 10 pounds, and that is great… for her.  Just not so great for me.  I’m not jealous, I just get discouraged.  I know the benefit of activity and exercise, I just don’t motivate myself to action on it.  I hate being this size.  Especially when I’m acting.  It sucks to be huge.

I read an article stating that water, being essential to fat metabolism, is especially needed by overweight people.  Somehow, while I don’t doubt the truth of that, I don’t think that I’m going to wash away my fat.  But it’s worth a try, right?  So, today I start drinking my way to better health.  Sounds like it should be more fun put that way.  Then you remember it’s just water.

This last weekend I got to spend most of my Saturday fixing a truck.  I got to change the alternator and swap out a couple of radiator hoses.  I still have grease in some of my creases.  It was a good day, but long and hot, and a little frustrating.  When one thing would be fixed something else cropped up.  But I did most of the work, with amazing supervision from my Father.  He is fantastic.  I want to be just like him when I grow up.

Ok, so not as much news as I thought.  When your life is boring, not much happens.  Get tickets to “The Tempest.”  You won’t regret it.

Today’s quote:

“You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wright”