Now to the banquet we press…

Here we are at the beginning of another week!  Another weekend of poor nutrition; not criminal, by any means, but still not where it should be.  I do have to say, though, that it is getting better.  I’m having much fewer days that hit over 3000 calories.  If I keep this up, the weight will come off.  If I can add exercise to this, it will come off at alarming rates.

We had our opening this weekend for “The Altos” and with the exception of a little last minute casting kerfuffle, it went swimmingly.  He had a great audience at Spaghetti Mama’s on Saturday.  They all seemed very appreciative, and really enjoyed the show.  In the past, we’ve had one or two people come up after a show to get pictures with the cast. On Saturday, we had about 10 request photos.  It was a lot of fun.  Come see it, if you can, throughout September at Spaghetti Mama’s. (see www.huntmysteries.com for details.)

The week started out on a bit of an odd note today as we were coming to work.  On Mondays and Tuesdays my wife and I drive together to work, and we had just left the house today when we started to hear a weird noise from one of the tires.  Thinking we had a flat tire, I pulled over to see what was wrong.  The tires all looked fine, but I heard a hissing noise and checked out the back right tire.  Lo and behold, it had a key (that’s right, you read me correctly) a key stuck into it.  The key would have had to have been sticking up in the road or flipped just right by the front tire, but there it was, and no doubt about it.  Sticking straight out of the tire in the middle of the tread, what looked like a padlock key.  When I tried to wiggle it, the hissing got much worse. So we turned around and got the truck back home and took the van.  Took the tire to be fixed, and the key had sliced the tire up so it could not be repaired.  The new tire? $172.00  YIKES!!  So, I’m hoping that that this doesn’t portend the kind of week it will be.  After the hell-fire-and-damnation hail storm we had this morning, that would be a bit too signs-and-portents-y for me.

Tonight I have another rehearsal for Holladay Arts! upcoming concert version of Gilbert & Sullivan’s The Sorcerer.  We’ll be performing that on Friday and Saturday Sept. 3-4 at Holladay City Hall.  If you have never seen the Sorcerer, it is a typical G&S show with all the fun, music and humor that you would expect.  It has been a lot of fun getting this one ready.  This is my 3rd year doing this with them.  We have done Yeomen of the Guard  and Ruddigore.  They are such great fun.  I love G&S, and hope to be back in fighting form soon to actually take on some staged versions of their works.  One of my absolute favorites has always been The Pirates of Penzance.  I did that out at Pages Lane Theater when Ralph Rodgers was still around.  Normally they double cast the shows, but I was lucky enough to do both casts in that show as the Pirate King.  I did about 30-40 performances of that show and had a ball each and every night.  We did a very far from traditional version, but we had the audiences packed in every night.  One of the best shows I’ve ever done.  I would love to be able to stage that version again,just the way we did it.  What a great time we had.

Quote of the day:

“We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.  ~Alfred E. Newman”

Picture yourself in a boat on a river…

Well, it’s Friday.  And I promised some pictures, and here they are.  I couldn’t find the one of the raw silk suit.  Not sure what happened to that one. but some oldies and goodies.

             

This one was taken when I was about 8 years old.  My brother took this one for a photography class.  That was my dad’s old marine corps jacket and some floppy old felt hat we had.  I love this picture.

This was a photo taken of me and my best friend in 5th grade.  Our teacher had a friend that was starting a personal computer company, and wanted pictures of people “using” the computer for the brochure.  I say “using” because this was just a prop, an empty shell.  The specs on this thing was, I think, an 8Mb memory, 9k modem and no hard drive.  Somewhere I have a copy of the original brochure.  You gotta love that shirt I had on.  It was a design that had what looked like playing card backs on it.

And finally, this was a picture also taken by my brother.  This was at the Salt Lake International Airport when I left for my mission.  What a fresh, young innocent face.  Not like the twisted, gnarled and highly suspicious mug I now possess.  This is another of my favorites.  As my daughter says, it’s very “Law and Order” ready.  And those glasses were so hip.  I was quite the little fashion plate.

Sorry this is so short.  I decided I just need to post even if it is puny.  This evening were going over to have dinner with friends.  I’m looking very forward to it.  I’m going to enjoy myself, because we haven’t done anything with friends for a long time.  Have a great weekend, all.  See you bright and early on Monday.

Quote of the day:

“There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate and chocolate truffles. – Anonymous”

Ramble on, my wayward son…

Another day, another post.  I’m thinking I may start something new on Fridays.  I may do a photo Friday on my post.  I’m going to try to get the photo of my raw silk suit from prom to post tomorrow.  And who knows what else may turn up.  Two years ago my mother gave me a fantastic gift for my birthday of a scrap book with tons of stuff from my childhood.  Pictures I didn’t know we still had.  Fun, wonderful stuff.

Another birthday is fast approaching.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am not big on birthdays. Most years I go past my birthday with no one noticing, or saying a word.  I have been in the various groups for years, and never a mention. I now work with some wonderful people who remember everyone’s birthday every year.  Everyone gets a cake, and everyone sings “Happy Birthday” to them.  It’s really nice.  My family always does something.  I’m not big on parties for my birthday.  I’ve never been huge on that sort of thing, but I do like getting birthday wishes on my day.  (And this is not a pander to everyone to wish me happy birthday, so don’t get any ideas.  I mean it!) 

Anyway, my wife will tell you I usually become unbearable around my birthday, getting all moody and whiney about two to three weeks before the day.  It’s not a pretty sight, and one I’m not proud of.  I don’t know why birthdays have always brought out the worst in me.  I know that lately it’s because I’m getting old, and I’m not ready or willing to deal with it.  I know, I know.  I’m only turning 45 this year.  It’s not the end of the world.  But as parts of me start to go wonky, or I at least reach the age where things start to go wonky, it becomes more and more of a concern.  I know that’s a part of it.  I think the rest of it has more to do with me not getting the attention I think (somewhere in the dark recesses of my dangerous mind) I deserve.  At least this year, I’ve been better than previous years.  And this year I’m working toward an better life.

I’ve always been a fan of British comedies.  I recently came across a short-lived show called “Kingdom.”  It starred Stephen Fry as a village lawyer.  It was a very fun show.  Somewhat drama/comedy.  Full of great British actors, it is available on Hulu.  I have always been a huge fan of Stephen Fry.  He hosts an ongoing quiz show in the UK called “QI” for Quite Interesting.  Stephen hosts, and there is one regular panelist, Alan Davies.  The rest of the panelists are made up each episode of prominent UK actors and comedians.  They have had seven seasons thus far, and the only place to watch them is on YouTube until they’re taken down.  The reason they can’t be shown in the US has to do with image and video rights.  But it is one of the smartest and funniest shows produced.  Hulu has been a boon to TV junkies like me.  (p.s. I just finished watching the last episode of “Kingdom” and I’m angry!  It ends with a cliff hanger that is unresolved! AAUURRGGHH!)

Well, another post has come and gone.  I’ve spent most of the day writing this, off and on, through breaks in the action.  I seldom go back and reread these posts.  When I do I realize how much I ramble and prattle on.  But them’s the breaks, kids.

Quote of the day:

“You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.  ~Earl Wilson”

Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Another day I missed!  What is going on with me?  I am just falling down on my responsibilities.  I’m also falling down on my exercise goals.  I still haven’t started a regular plan.  I have a dog (which is a lab/husky mix with a very active constitution), who has a leash.  I should be going out nightly for a pull, but I just haven’t done it yet. 

I got a link yesterday from my big brother about a friend of his that has lost 150 lbs. just though sheer force of will.  It was a link to a TV news clip about his weight loss.  It was both inspiring and hard to watch.  My weight issues are a complicated mess in my psyche.  I’m not sure I even understand all that is tangled up in there.  Physiology/genetics plays a part, I’m sure, but my parents are not large, or at least not through most of their lives.  My mother has had her issues with weight, but has made incredible strides since being diagnosed with diabetes. I have been lucky in that my blood work has always been well in the healthy range on that score.  And my cholesterol has always been in a good range.  For as fat as I am, I’m pretty healthy.  But I know that won’t last for too long if I keep going the way I have been.  I’ve been incredibly lucky to stay so relatively healthy.  Having said that, I fear for anything that might come up that would require me to have surgery or anything that I may have to be put under for.  It scared me a year ago when I had to be put out for surgery on my broken hand.  That has been a major reason I have not opted for bariatric surgery.  And why I have decided to finally get off my duff and do something serious about my weight.

Think of all the things that can happen to you in this life.  Think of all the random things that can occur, outside of your control, in this life.  I have four fantastic kids and the sweetest, most wonderful wife a man could hope for.  They all give me more support than anyone should hope for.  they also give the kick in the pants that I need when I’m feeling especially sorry for myself.  I don’t want to leave them.  I don’t want them to be without a husband or father before I reach my 90th birthday.  I want to see my grandkids (provided my daughter can ever get a date!) and possibly my great-grandkids.  That won’t happen if I don’t change my life and lose the extra fat person I’m carrying on my body.  I have over 250 lbs. to lose to reach my goal.  That’s a whole boy band.  I’m carting around N’Sync every day right now.  I want to be there for my family.

So, as I was saying before the detour, I watched this video of a man in my situation, having lost 150 lbs. and moving around so much better, playing with his grandkids, and enjoying life so much more than he had.  I wanted to sit down and cry.  I couldn’t talk to anyone for an hour.  I know what I am doing is possible. I know that I can do it.  But it’s so hard.  In the end, the real question is: Am I or is my weight more powerful?  we come into this world to experience a host of adventures, and through it all we have to govern our appetites and passions.  We have the choice to allow those appetites and passions to control us or to control them.  I haven’t been controlling anything in the area of my weight.  I’ve been on autopilot with a full-blown smorgasbord in front of me.  And it hurts to really see what I brought myself to.  We went on a cruise recently to the Mexican Riviera (A vacation I heartily recommend to everyone!!).  We had a fantastic time, but I was still a downer for my wife, and myself, in many ways.  In particular, when we were in Cabo San Lucas, we were walking along the port, and we got about half-way though the town, and I had a full-blown melt-down because I was hot and sweating, and miserable.  The only reason for that was that I am so heavy and out of shape that I couldn’t even enjoy the beautiful time we were having.  I don’t ever want that to happen again.

And I need to clarify one little point:  My daughter is beautiful!  An wonderful girl, who, for whatever reason, has not dated a lot.  I’m not pushing.  I love her and know that she is going to find the greatest guy, who is going to be so lucky to have her.  My kids are all the most amazing kids who have given us no trouble.  There so much better than any of yours.  So I am just teasing when I say if my daughter can ever get a date.

Quote of the day:

“One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.  ~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright, Pavarotti, My Own Story”

Short but sweet….

One more day to miss.  Oh, well.  This weekend was a blow-off!  I just decided that I was going to allow myself the weekend to be free.  I didn’t count a single calorie this weekend.  I didn’t go overboard or anything, just decided that everyone deserves a vacation once in a while.  So that should take me for a few months.  Now I return to the calorie count in earnest.  Today has been very good, so far.  And I am constantly browsing and making better choices toward what I eat.  The next step is getting the exercise program in place.  It will start with walking, and then move on to other things.  So the battle of the bulge continues apace.

The Rifftrax live show was hysterical!!  Of course, I didn’t win any of the contests, but what great fun!  Reefer Madness is such a silly movie.  Makes smoking dope look like a lark, until the obvious madness, of course.  Then comes killing and loose living.  The short films they showed were also very bizarre. The one about grass was almost frightening.  The dry cleaning short was interesting in a “was that a real tragedy that needed to be addressed” kind of way.  And the cartoon was just plain surreal with an equally surreal title that had nothing to do with the actual cartoon.  And the best news was that they’re doing it all again for Halloween with “The House on Haunted Hill.”  Yes, Geoff and I will once again be there to laugh along with the guys to the Vincent Price classic.

Also, the Altos is back on at Spaghetti Mama’s and a couple of shows at Boccia’s in Ogden.  Check out the website for the details.  Then I will be directing the Halloween show. “Gravestoned: All Men Are Cremated Equally.”  Very fun show with a great cast.  Then the opera starts up again soon.  Fun, fun fun!

So this is a short blog post, but don’t you worry, dear readers.  I will return the morrow in finer form and verbose state.

Today’s quote:

“Edible, adj.:  Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.  ~Ambrose Bierce”

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Ok, Wednesdays seem to be a hard day for me to get work and a blog post done.  This is the second Wednesday I’ve failed to get my post made.  It’s good to be busy.  The battle continues.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was my protective fat shell.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about weight loss reality TV shows.  I really don’t watch them.  I don’t like the idea that I might like those bunch of whiney, self-indulgent people.  I think that the truth is I’m closer to that than I care to admit. 

I caught an old episode of Biggest Loser awhile ago, and I wanted to scream.  I know that weight loss is not easy, and no one who has developed the lifestyle that allows them to get to the size they (and I) are is easy to change.  But for hell’s sake, I’d put my size 14s up Jillian Michael’s scrawny butt so fast she’d be eating shoe leather if she shouted at me like that!  And Bob Harper is, I think, clinically insane. I would not put up with their crap and carping for an instant.  I realize that I have to work hard to lose my weight, and I know that I’m not going to do it with good intentions. (If that were true, I’d be as thin as a crack whore by now.)  But yelling and screaming at me (deep, dark, twisted, passive-aggressive me) will not work!  People who try to guilt me into something are not working the right angles on me.

The calorie count is proceeding apace.  Still maintaining around the 2500-3000 range.  Varies on days that I’m more careful, versus those I just don’t give a damn.  I guess the trick is to make sure that the days I do care out number the ones I don’t.

Tonight is the night!!  RIFFTRAX LIVE! Reefer Madness!!!  Got the tickets, got time off work early to get there on time, made my entry into the drawing for the iPad, and submitted my entries for the riff contest.  I know that my chances of winning anything are next to none, but it would be so cool to win the riff contest.  10 lucky people will get their name onscreen and their riff read by the guys.  Too cool!!  My son, Geoff, will be right by my side as we laugh ourselves sick to the best guys night out ever.  My wife just doesn’t quite get Rifftrax of MST3K.  Must be kinda like the Three Stooges.  It’s a guy thing.  Anyway, I’m cutting this short tonight so I can get to the show.  WOOT!!

Quote of the day:

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  ~Robert Byrne”

It’ll Be the Death of Me Yet…

So another day, another 3313 calories.  Pizza is my downfall.  That is all I can say.  I love pizza.  And it is calorie laden.  I know that there are options that are not so calorie laden, but they are not quick meals on a day that you get off work late.  I know that you can purchase the Boboli bread shells, and put them together yourself, but you have to have purchased them ahead of time.  And the pizza we got last night was not as bad as some, but still it’s all a deathtrap.  My problem is that I’m not used to eating fruit and veg on a grand scale.  Vegetables I can get behind, but there are only a few fruits that I enjoy, at least now.  Apples have never been my favorites; I like bananas, and oranges, and mandarins.  I like peaches with the exception of peeling them (and I’m not keen on the fuzzy skin).  Berries I quite like.  Fruit is expensive, or at least it seems that way.  I guess I need to just bite the bullet and start getting fruit in my diet.

I was going to say something about my biggest problem being something or other, but I’m not sure my biggest problem is anything about fruit or exercise or what-have-you.  I have loads of big problems, but they are all relative and nothing is so big that I can’t work it out if given enough time and patience.  Life is good that way.  We just sometimes need to have a little understanding.  I have no delusions as to my greatness, or lack thereof.  I now that I have my good points and my bad points, my strengths and my weaknesses.  The thing is you have to make sure that the weaknesses and shortcomings don’t overpower the strengths and successes.  Sometimes it’s a battle, but one I hope that I’m winning more than I’m losing. 

I saw an episode of one of my favorite TV shows last night that had a plot point that really got me thinking.  A character was being targeted by an assassin, and, to further the plot, the good guys faked her death.  At one point after that she was bemoaning the fact that her death seemed to make no great ripple in the pond of life.  That her “passing” was observed only by a few “bunches of weeds” being sent to the funeral home.  I know that my death would be no great event.  It would not be heralded by news stories, great tributes or any fanfare to speak of.  I know that my family and friends would mourn my passing and show me respect at a humble funeral.  But I hope that my family, and especially my wife, would at least remember the good things about me, and not the times I disappointed them.  I would hope that there was enough good to outweigh the bad, or at least not so good, that I’ve done in my tragically short life, having been cut down in the prime of my life, with my best work ahead of me, to have happy memories.

I’m not really sure why this post took such a maudlin turn, but let’s get that over with here and now.  I have no intention of going and I will be here to dance on all your graves in the male equivalent of a red dress. **Maudlin mode – off**  My kids are back from youth conference today, my daughter is hiking Ensign Peak with her friends, and intend to go home and have a fantastic chicken casserole for dinner.  To quote Gilda Radner, “May I suggest you get undressed and show them your wazoo!”

Quote of the day:

“Stored away in some brain cell is the image of a long-departed aunt you haven't thought of in 30 years.  Stored away in another cell is the image of a pink pony stitched on your first set of baby pajamas.  All it takes to get that aunt mounted on the back of that pony is to eat a hunk of meatloaf immediately before going to bed.  ~Robert Brault”

All this and fleeting fame, too….

It was a hard weekend.  But a fun one.  Kathryn came home for good from camp.  We went up Saturday morning to pick her up.  She had a great time there, and it was hard for her to say goodbye to so many good friends.  We took Kris’s dad up with us, and then came down and picked up the boys and got breakfast at Denny’s.  Good breakfast, but about the full day’s calories.  Anyway, needless to say, I didn’t have lunch on Saturday, and at a big dinner at Bajio (one of my favorites!) and went to a movie.  “Inception” was great!  And Sunday was quiet, and fairly innocuous on the calorie front.  but overall, not a great weekend.  Counts for the weekend are as follows:  Friday – 3445, Saturday – 2225, Sunday – 2730.  So for my goal of 2800 per day, not bad.  Nutrition-wise, though, it was a disaster.  But it’s a whole new week, and this was only my first week of counting calories religiously.  I’m still feeling good about things.

My wife made an off-hand remark over the weekend that for a while had me thinking.  We had just got home from the movie, and she asked if we had any Diet Coke at home.  I said no, but that water was better for us.  She said, “You’re not as fun when you’re healthy.”  It’s a joke, I know, and she would rather have me healthy and living longer than fat and sassy. (And who says I can’t be thin and sassy, huh?)  It made me think about something that’s been lurking in the back of mind for some time.  And it links to a comment my best fiend made recently about one of my posts: Will thin Tony be as funny as fat Tony? (or something to that effect.)  I have become very comfortable (relatively speaking) in my 250 lb. covering.  I have made the types of adjustments to life that I have needed to, and have, for the most part, kept my sense of humor about life and myself intact.  But I have the feeling that I was a lot more fun when I was in High School, and after I got married, until I started to get fat.  With the adding of layers I had other things crop up, depression being a huge part of that.

If you’ve never experienced depression, you can never know what it is like.  Your perceptions become distorted.  All life gets filtered through a new lens.  At first, you don’t really realize what is happening.  It’s like the story of the frog in a pot of cold water with the flame very low.  Gradually, bit by bit, the temperature goes up, and it’s so gradually that you just don’t notice, then before long, it’s gotten so hot, that you’re cooked.  You start to feel small changes, but nothing that doesn’t seem too much to handle.  You’re not as happy, you feel sad a little more of the time, and then you gradually get to the point that you don’t feel happy most of the time.  You lose sleep because of it; you treat your family like strangers, or worse; you stop connecting with those around you.  It’s a very dark spiral that you enter.  Hopefully, you have someone wonderful to realize that you are in trouble and need help.  I went through that.  I’m not proud of the way I was, but at least comforted in that I never really lost my true friends.  And I’m better now, and getting so all the time.  I know that losing this shell will go a long way to putting all that behind me for good.  And I am convinced that this jovial and affable elf you have all come to know and (hopefully) love will be even more fun to be around.  To paraphrase Auntie Mame, “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.”

I know I keep saying this, but it’s really true:  I have no idea why anyone would read this blog.  I like to fancy myself a witty, urbane, raconteur with a wry sense of humor and a wide stripe of self-deprecating humor.  I know that I’m not a witty or urbane as I would like to think I am.  I couldn’t give you a definition of raconteur (but I know one when I see one), but that’s not really me.  And as for wry sense of humor and self-deprecating, I think, for the most part, I may have that covered well enough.  I like to think of myself as a good writer, but I’m not great, and when you compare me to my brother, he blows me out of the water on that account.  So why would anyone take the time to read this?  I can only surmise that it because 1) you know me, 2) you think I’m funny enough to take 5 mins. out of your day and/or 3) my honesty is refreshing/unique/a hoot.  I don’t know.  But I’m glad you do read it.  Keep on reading it.  Tell your friends to read it.  You know you want to.  I get nothing from this but the satisfaction that someone else is enjoying my efforts.  It is a bit of an ego stroke to get comments from friends, or to see that someone new has read the blog.  So, thanks, all.  I hope you continue to enjoy the blog.  If not, say so.  If you do, say so. 

Quote of the day:

“Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.  ~Robert Quillen”

Hello, Hello, Hello… Hello!

Hey, hey, hey!! It’s Friday!!  The Weekend!  Time for fun and frolic.  Well, I seldom frolic.  I’m not currently built for it.  Have you ever seen a large man frolic?  Not a pretty sight, I assure you.

So, yesterday’s calorie count went straight to hell.  3614!!!  The day started out well enough, but by dinner it was out of control.  I will name no names (Damn you, Papa John’s!! *fist shake*), but let’s just say that for me the way to hell is paved in pizza sauce.  It’s really going to take me some time to adjust to this whole calorie counting thing.  I have never been one to count calories.  I always thought it was silly.  Well, I don’t anymore.  I think it’s depressing.  I’ve been told by (I assume) reputable individuals that you should have about 600 calories per meal.  That would be 1800 calories, add a couple of 100 calorie snacks and you’re at your goal.  My little on-line calorie website tells me that to maintain the weight I’m at I need to consume 3585.  So technically, anything lower than that and I should lose weight.  So with the exception of yesterday, I’ve been doing fairly well.  Add exercise to that, I should drop weight like Barbara Cartland drops clotted bits of face powder and romance novels in equal profusion. [ed. note: I know that Dame Cartland has passed on.  I mean no disrespect.  That was one of my favorite lines from a Brit Com called “You Must Be the Husband.”]

The experts also say that you should ideally eat about 6 times a day.  My target goal for each day is 2835 calories. to reach a target weight of 197 lbs. To quote from the site: “This is at a reasonable weight loss average of 1.5 lbs per week, which should be reached by September 20, 2013. Experts recommend weight loss at the rate of 0.5-2 lbs/week. Remember that this estimate is based on your body weight, height, age, gender, and activity level. It may vary slightly depending on other factors.”  I am planning on adding exercise to all this, so hopefully my weight loss will be a little faster than this.  I plan to keep you all updated on that, as well.  Also, if any of you want to encourage me by helping me along in exercise, I won’t turn you down.  I may need to schedule it, but I won’t turn you down.  Just don’t plan any heart stopping activities for a while.  That would include anything more strenuous than walking at this point, I’m afraid.  It’s not a pretty sight to see me walking around the store, sweating and panting like a steam engine.  But as the pounds drop off, and my wind returns, I’ll be able to keep up better with all you that are in better shape than me (which at this point includes just about everyone!).

I’m hoping to go see a movie this weekend.  As I stated a few posts ago, the last movie I saw in a theater was “The Bounty Hunter.”  There are a few movies out now that look promising, so we’ll have to see what we can get to.  I’m ecstatic about this coming up Thursday.  Rifftrax Live! is happening this Thursday, Aug. 19th at a theater near you!  If you have never been to a Rifftrax live event, you really owe it to yourself to go.  If you remember the old MST3K from Comedy Central, SciFi (now SyFy) and the movies, this is the group that was on it at the end of the run: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.  They are going to be doing Reefer Madness along with a group of truly wigged out shorts.  And the great thing about it is, that after the show, you get to have free downloads of the shorts they performed.  My son, Geoffrey and I will be firmly ensconced in our seats in Sandy and the Century 16 theater.  Come join us, don’t you?

Also they are having a contest where they have posted 10 clips from Reefer Madness online.  You can view them and then submit your riff to the guys.  If they select your riff, you get your name on the screen as they read your riff, and a Rifftrax swag bag!  So go riff!  Although, I, of course, will win with probably a fairly off-color entry.  (Just kidding, Mom!) [ed. note: He’s not really kidding.]  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen “Reefer Madness.”  It was a “shock and awe” kind of movie, meant to shock the public into a sense of awe over the depravity of dope fiends.  Actually it makes pot smoking look pretty ridiculous, but with half decent production values.  And there are some lines in it that may have been pretty innocuous in their day, but come out sounding pretty fruity in the year 2010.  But you’ll have to attend to see what the guys do with them.

Today’s quote is a bit of departure from tradition.  I leave you with an audio quote from MST3K’s riff on “Jack Frost,” a Russo-Finnish production of a Nordic legend.  Pretty fruity, indeed.  This is from Crow T. Robot:

“It’s the seven dwarves!  Filthy, Rotting, Lousy, Skanky, Scabby, Septic, and, uh,… Doc.”

7-dwarves.mp3

Presenting Her Royal Majesty, …

Completely missed posting yesterday.  Probably due to writing a novella to a friend about the weird, wacky tale of hubris gone awry.  Life is an interesting mistress for some people. Someday I may write a book.  Not that anyone would publish it, but hey, a guy can dream.  I’m frankly still amazed people take the time to read this blog.  I guess the fact that not many do is no surprise.  But still I post on….

The last couple of days have been relatively good, food wise.  Both days have been below 3000 calories (2480 and 2452, respectively).  Not great, by any means, but better than the past.  I don’t know if I mentioned that I had gone back to some of my first posts where I actually listed the foods I’d eaten, and figured out the calorie counts.  I nearly passed out from lack of nutrition.  And since signing up on caloriecount.about.com, I have been searching all my favorites with devastating results.  I knew that the chicken club sandwich at Wendy’s was a calorie nightmare, but I didn’t realize the pale death horse she rode in on was the large fries!  The sandwich has 540 calories all on its own.  But the large fries add another whopping 590 calories! [*faint!*]  That’s 1130 calories in one sitting!  And I used to eat these things all the time. And with almost 2000mg of sodium, I can hear the valves slamming shut in my heart as I think about it.  No wonder I get winded jumping to conclusions.

So last night, we got ready to send a care package to our daughter, Kathryn, at Oakcrest girl’s camp.  We were going to run it to someone who was going up to give to her and her girls.  They are celebrating Christmas at camp this week, so we decided to send up some stuff.  My wife wanted to make some cookies.  She’s been meaning to send up molasses bars for several weeks, and with work and business trips, and what all, just hasn’t been able to do it.  Now for the next part of this story, a little history needs to be discussed.  My wife, one of the sweetest, kindest people on the planet, is always wanting to do good for other people.  She is always saying, “Let’s take them over a plate of cookies to thank them for thus-and-such.”  She has apparently been like this for years.  I mean yee-ee-aars!  So much so that John B. (her longtime friend, my not so long time friend) crowned her Cookie Queen.  John B. can attest to this strange predilection of hers. When Kris and I were dating and I was working out at the International Center on graveyard security duty, I would often see someone sneaking around the shadows outside my building, ready to call the cops, only to realize that it was John B. try to surreptitiously deposit a plate of the aforementioned royal offerings at the door step.  Now you might think this was an easy task, or at least not too difficult.  Well, dear reader, you don’t know John B.!  He was a very large boy of German heritage.  I often thought of him as my stature-deficient twin brother (aside from the fact that I am not of German heritage, and we look nothing alike).  We are both part of the Big Pant Parade.  One of these days I will post the harrowing tale of John B. and I on the log flume ride at MGM Grand in Las Vegas.  Now that was a tale of legend.

Anyway, I digress…. Kris was then, is now, and shall every her Her Royal Highness, Queen of Cookies, By the Grace of God, Defender of the Realm, Sovereign of the Most Honorable Order of Butter, Sovereign of the Most Honorable Order of the Shortening, Baroness of Sugar, Duchess of Egg, Flour and Spices, Countess of the Realm of Cutters and Presses, Sovereign of Baking and of Dropping, of Chilling and of Freezing.  God Save the Queen!  (I am gonna pay sooooo dearly for this one!)  So we set out, at about 7:45 pm., to make molasses bars, upon which she said she wanted to make cookie press cookies and cake mix cookies.  I was skeptical.  After the first batch of molasses bars was in the oven and Kris was confounding the children and their science/art/film projects, wondering what had happened to the food coloring, I kindly suggested that maybe, just maybe, as it was now 9 pm., and she was ready to tear small patches of hair/skin from our boys and from me for just being who I am, that two batches of cookies was probably enough.  She, of course, being Majesty of all Cookiedom, felt that was somehow beneath her, but that one has to break eggs if one wants to bake confectionaries.  She was finally inclined to acquiesce to my request.  So by about 11 pm., the baking finally done, we got the package off to the doorstep of the sainted lady appointed to delivery the parcel to its destination.  And we collapsed into a modicum of repose.  [Now, I’m really going to pay dearly.  A night out to Cafe Zupa’s might just do the trick.]

Quote of the day:

“This is every cook's opinion -
no savory dish without an onion,
but lest your kissing should be spoiled
your onions must be fully boiled.
~Jonathan Swift

”

Yoiks, and Away!!

Well, yesterday was a real eye opener!  I finally got serious about figuring out the unholy amount of food I cram into my ravenous gob.  I was shocked, shocked I say… shocked to my foundations to realize that I eat an average of 3000-3500 calories per day!! [faint!]  No wonder I look like a bus.  The good news is that I now know what I’m up against, and can make a plan to go about getting it taken care of.  I know that I need to drastically shave calories from my diet and that I can start by doing the little things.  I am not going to make drastic overnight changes to my life, but consciously work day to day on making changes that will impact my calorie intake.  I signed up online for Calorie Counter, a web site that you can search foods and recipes and get nutritional information, track foods eaten, exercise and get helpful hints on making the changes to change your life.  I’m very excited, though very shamed at my scandalous behavior of the past.

I know that I’ve probably said this before, but I didn’t get like this overnight.  I all came about because of small things.  I made small changes in my habits that lead to other small changes, each change taking a steeper course down to obesity hell.  Exercise became less and less a priority; fast food became very easy to justify; depression added fuel to the fire, and food became a comfort and refuge from life.  It’s surprising how friendly a cupcake can be when you’re feeling the weight of the world.  Soon you replace the weight of the world with a large cushion of your own weight.  And while having to shop at the Big and Tall store (read: overpriced clothes for fatties) you begin to despair even more.  I actually used to like clothes shopping.  When I was in high school, I was a real clothes horse.  My favorite outfit was something I got just because I like it. [And doesn’t every man just want to look pretty every once in a while?]  It was a (and here’s where the blog takes a decidedly gay twist) a very pale pink raw silk jacket flecked with multiple colors, all very muted, a shirt with very multicolored stripes, and pink stripe tie and linen pants the color of (and nothing else quite describes it) raspberry sherbet [**gay mode off**]  I loved that outfit.  It was the most expensive thing I had ever purchased.  Somewhere I have a picture of myself in that outfit from a prom.  I’ll try to find it and post an snap.  Anyway, this was really the first grownup outfit that I bought all on my own, with no help from my parents.  Primarily because it was at one of those high end mall shops that popped up during the 80’s.  Like Benetton, but not quite so third world, and it had a decidedly *Fabulous!* staff of salesmen and their beards.  Not the place you bring your folks.  Looking back on it now, it all sounds very dodgy, to say the least.  But it really was a great store with beautiful clothes.

Anyway, I loved shopping for clothes.  Then I got fat and clothes shopping lost all it’s luster and sheen.  It became a drudge and a depressing slog through the mire of exorbitantly priced clothing that wasn’t all that great in terms of quality.  And maybe I lost touch with reality, but not being able to find a pair of pants for less than $50 seems a bit of a rip; $60 polo shirts, an outrage;  and don’t get me started on suits.  Oh, you say, Mr. Mac has a huge sale on suits every 6 months for conference.  Yes, and it your a normal person that means something.  They never have any suits in that price range for the Hefty, the Fluffy, or the Daaamn! sizes.  I just want to walk into a regular clothing store, have a decent range of clothes available in my size and be able to walk out with some change in my pocket.  Is that too much to ask?  IS IT!!!

So, yesterday I had about 3000 or so, calories.  Didn’t walk and took only about 1700 steps (I have a new basic pedometer).  So, pretty sucky.  But it’s the first day of my new plan.  I’ve come to the conclusion that you just can’t eat out and eat healthy.  I’m sitting here typing this, flipping back and forth between this window and a search for calorie counts for lunch.  It’s a crazy old world.

Quote for the day:

“Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our anti-materialistic, otherworldly, New Age spiritual types.  But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest guru should be as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice, tofu and seaweed slime.  ~Edward Abbey”

This was the week that was….

Ok, it’s been a few days since the last post and boy, has it been eventful.  My wife has been to Austin and back, and won a new iPod Touch while she was there.  Now, any of you who know me at all, know that I love the gadgets.  I just don’t ever have the money to get the gadgets when they first come out.  Always have to settle for being a late adopter.  Well, it seems we have a bit of a tradition in our family that says that my wife, being the least tech-savvy of the family seems to be the one who gets the technology first.  Now let me say up-front that Kris is no idiot when it comes to technology.  She is a quick learner and retains that information and can adapt pretty quickly to new tech.  However, she doesn’t do it for a living.  I do, and it’s just not fair.  But I am awfully glad she’s home.  I missed her terribly while she was gone.

Kathryn is on her last week at Oakcrest, and has really made a lot of growth this summer.  She has grown up considerably this summer and has really become quite a centered person.  And after this week comes the fun of making sure she has her financial aid paperwork done, looking at admissions, finding another job, etc.  Fun, fun, fun!

The boys are getting ready to go back to school, Geoff for his senior year, Al for his first year in Junior High, and Nathaniel for his Fifth grade year.  All in all, a very exciting prospect.  I just wish it didn’t cost so much to send them back to school.  And we’re just talking mandatory fees here.  We haven’t even got to the class fees yet.

I am fast approaching the start of a new season with Utah Opera.  We begin music rehearsals in September for La Boheme, and it is one of my favorites.  The production runs October 16, 18, 20, 22 & 24, 2010.  This is always a favorite, so if you want to see it, get your tickets now.  This promises to be a great season.

Performance wise, I have also had a bit of a change in the lineup.  Some personal decisions by some friends of mine have put some of my future performances in limbo.  I’m sad that this has happened, but even sadder that they made these decisions.  It has hurt both them, and their families and friends.  I just hope that they can do what is needed, that they can recover from this and get whatever help they need to right their lives.  It’s sad when people who have been given good instruction from their parents and received support through friends and family make decisions and choices that hurt themselves and others.  They are my friends and I will always love them, but I just can’t be happy about the choices they’ve made.  Their families certainly don’t deserve the trouble and heartache this has and is bringing to them.

I am launching on a new me program.  As you all know, it is all about me, for me and centered around me.  Always has been, always will be.  That should provide hours of entertainment as I am sure I will continue to make a fool of myself for you all.  Anyway, I am going to reassert my commitment to creating a better me through the rest of this year.  I now have a pedometer, and will be posting daily totals (which should be embarrassing at first) and will post my food journal again so that I can finally figure out just how many damn calories I’m cramming in my wide open yap.  I used to have a friend who was fairly large (although in retrospect, I don’t think he was ever as big as I am now), and He and my best friend Randy and I all made a video one time.  I think we were still in high school.  Anyway, at one point in the video, we are all sitting on the couch in my parents home, talking and eating chips and salsa.  This guy’s hand is in constant motion from the chips to the salsa to his mouth.  It is amazing to watch.  It never stops.  Perpetual motion machines have nothing on this guy.  We also had occasion once to go to a hot springs in northern Utah where he drove.  On the way home, we stopped to get some snacks.  He had a full bag of chips, that he proceeded to lift up to his mouth and shake out the chips, with the bag in front of his face, while driving at about 75 mph down the freeway.  It was very scary. 

Anyway to make a long story interminable, I find myself doing this same thing on occasion.  (The constant motion thing, not the bit with the bag of chips.  That’s just plain stupid and dangerous!)  I have a coworker who has had a package of cookies on his desk for over a week.  I can’t wrap my head around that.  The idea of having something sweet or salty near me for that long and not scarfing down just doesn’t register.  This is something that needs to change and needs to change right now.  It will likely mean that I have to ban such things from my diet.  Or at the very least, make sure that I don’t have a a full package or box of anything with me at work or in close proximity at home.

I am also going to actually start an exercise regimen.  It will be slow at start, but nothing long-term is going to go off like gangbusters.  I know that I have only a handful of supporters, but the ones I have are vocal and very supportive.  And I thank you all for that.

Quote of the day:

“Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.  ~Fran Lebowitz”